


A Restless Resolve

by Restless_Resolve



Series: A Restless Resolve [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe where Sakura believes she can do better, Anxiety, Cuddles, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, My First Fanfic, References to Depression, Romance, Science Experiments, Shikamaru is a sarcastic and conniving plotter, send help
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2019-09-11 23:38:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Restless_Resolve/pseuds/Restless_Resolve
Summary: Sakura has been rather busy since Sasuke left on his journey for redemption. A lab experiment, a meddling sensei...not to mention that troublesome ninja who just had to go and make himself interesting. Too bad love confessions aren't exactly part of her skill set.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura has been rather busy since Sasuke left on his journey for redemption. A lab experiment, a meddling sensei...not to mention that troublesome ninja who just had to go and make himself interesting. Too bad love confessions aren't exactly part of her skill set.

Chapter 1

 

 

I lay on my back, staring up at the sky in contemplation. The air was sweet and warm; each whimsical brush carrying with it the music of peace and life. The sky was a blushing intermingling of whites, blues, and reds, all swirling together in a dance of farewells.

Sometimes I wished all farewells could be as beautiful as this.

I sighed and shook my head as if the motion would unhinge the bittersweet thoughts that plagued my mind.  

Shikamaru.

Everything about him, from the sound of his name to the intensity of his eyes, left me in such scattered turmoil I hardly knew what to do. I couldn’t even recall when it started. It was almost like a sunrise.

When Sasuke left, he took what little remained of my heart with him. For a time I felt dead inside, as if all the warmth left inside me was lost. Shikamaru showed me it never left. At first, it was gradual, small flecks of color hidden in passing nods of acknowledgment, and I hardly even noticed. But over the years those nods turned into greetings, which over time evolved into conversations, and then eventually laughter. Real laughter, not fake puffs of sound so short and polite they could be considered as nothing but a courtesy, but real gut-wrenching bellows that brought tears to my eyes and a smirk to his lips.

Everything about him was cast in warmth, and it coaxed from me what I thought I’d lost, the ability to love without pain. He had, in more ways than one, become my light. Once I came to realize that, it was only a matter of time before I began to fall for him, and how could I not? Not only was Shikamaru intelligent, but also fiercely loyal towards those he cared about. He was undeniably handsome, and while quiet and reserved, held more passion in his eyes than most contained in their entire body…just thinking about them made me blush. At first, I had only ever seen them as dull reflections to his eternal boredom and laziness, but after really spending time with him I began to notice how, when he talked about things he was passionate about, his eyes would burn with a fire as mesmerizing as they were dangerous. They engulfed me in such heat I could not -- _would not_ \-- look away.

Every time he looked at me my heart would race, desire pooling in my stomach and creating such a feeling of longing inside me that I hardly knew what to do. It was probably why I was lying there among the trees, rather than being in the village with my friends. Lately, so as to figure out what to do about this whole mess, I’d been avoiding him. He hadn’t said anything about it, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

Ino, of course, thought I was being a blockhead and told me to just kiss him already. But I couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to, because believe me, I _wanted_ to. It’s just…I looked back on the way I followed Sasuke around; the way I basically threw myself at him was more than humiliating.

I drove Sasuke away; I wasn’t about to do the same with Shikamaru.

I sighed again in frustration, throwing both my arms over my eyes. Kami, this was hopeless…

“Oh, Sakuraaaa…”

The sound of his voice came from right beside my ear. I screamed in shock and sprang to my feet so fast I lost my balance and fell flat on my ass. I could feel the pounding pulse in my throat increase with embarrassment as my face turned beet red. How the hell did he sneak up on me like that?!

Shikamaru’s roaring laughter only made my face heat up more. I quickly looked away. My heart finally settled from the shock, but it didn’t exactly stop racing. It was a rare sight to see Shikamaru laugh like that, after all. Usually, his laughter was contained to light chuckles and snarky smirks, his eyes shimmering in amusement. Kami, did I love his laugh. I loved the way it lit up his face and took over his entire body.

He was so close, so achingly close. He must have been lying on his stomach next to me when he spoke, judging by the heat of his breath on my ear. I didn’t know what was more embarrassing: my reaction to him, or the fact that he had gotten so close without me even realizing it.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding all day?” Shikamaru chuckled once he calmed down. He rolled over to lay on his back before turning to me, lifting his eyebrow and smirking in amusement. He patted the space next to him before locking his hands behind his head and turned towards the still-fading skyline. “Can’t say I disapprove,” he continued. “Although your technique for watching sunsets could be better – they’re a lot more enjoyable when your arms aren’t covering your eyes.”

I snorted in reply before moving to lie down beside him, not taking my eyes off his face the entire time. He must have felt my stare because he turned towards me, his face now serious.

“Long time no see, huh Sakura?” And there it was: the question. I turned away from him, casting my eyes towards the sky once more. Most of the soft yellows and blues had hardened to reds and purples, the landscape blackening with shadow.

“How long were you watching me for?” I counteracted, not ready to explain my reasons for avoiding him. He sighed, probably from frustration. Quickly shifting my eyes towards him I saw him turn back to the sky, looking pained. I hastily looked away. _Coward_ , I thought to myself.

“Just a few minutes,” he answered, tone light and thoughtful, but I could hear the twinge of sorrow hidden beneath it all. “I thought you were just ignoring me. Of course, I wasn’t expecting you to actually freak out like that when I said your name. The look on your face was priceless though, totally worth the effort.”

“Troublesome,” I said under my breath, completely mortified. I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice Shikamaru watching me for that long! How lame could I get!?

Shikamaru’s snort of amusement told me he heard my last comment.

“Pfft, first you’re cloud watching, now you’re copying my speech? If I rub off on you any more, the Hokage will have my head.” I could only blush. Considering how much time we spent together, it was only logical for us to influence one another, but it was horribly embarrassing to think of how much Shikamaru had influenced _me_ in particular _._

“Yeah, probably,” I agreed. We fell silent after that. It wasn’t a comfortable one though; I could practically feel the gears turning in Shikamaru’s head, as if contemplating his next move.

“So…” he started hesitantly, “you must have been thinking pretty seriously to not even notice your surroundings.”

“Not really,” I lied.

 _Tell him you love him_ , my inner demanded. _What’s the worst that could happen?_ I ignored her.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he tried again. I could feel his eyes on me, scrutinizing my every move as if he could pull out all the answers with just a look. He wasn’t that far off with his logic. There was very little I could deny him when he looked at me that way.

“Nothing worth repeating,” I replied softly. He made me so nervous that I began slowly pulling blades of grass from the ground, just so I could do something with my hands. I’m sure he didn’t miss the motion. “I was just thinking about the past…how things are just so different now. That’s all, nothing important, really.”

_Stop being a coward! Tell him!_

_I don’t want to push him away!_ I argued.

_You’re already doing it by hiding like this. Tell him._

I could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t buy it. Time stretched on with neither of us saying a word. The last glimmers of light trickled away into darkness. The moon took the sun’s place, lighting up the night sky with billions of scattered stars. The wind was no longer as warm, and I shivered with the cool air.

I was still pulling at grass when Shikamaru’s hand closed over mine, halting my fidgeting. I stiffened with surprise, immediately whipping my head to look at our intertwined fingers before slowly lifting my eyes to meet his. He was no longer lying beside me, but instead hovered over me in a half crouch, his face mere inches from mine. Goosebumps sprouted all over my body, and I knew it had nothing to do with the cooling temperature. I could feel my pulse increase as my heart beat faster and faster. I tried to look away from him but couldn’t. He looked so pained, so uncertain, a stark contrast to his usual bravado.

“Did I do something? Is that it?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. Shame flooded my heart. Of course, he would think that, with the way I’ve been avoiding him.

“No, of course not!” I denied immediately. I tried to move away from him to face him better, but he wouldn’t allow me to budge. If anything, his grip tightened even further.

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” he demanded.

“I haven’t!”

“Yes, you have.”

“Shikamaru, please, I—”

“Have I said something to anger you? Did I hurt you in some way?”

“No!”

“Then _why_?” Shikamaru exploded, his anger replacing the pain. “You’ve been avoiding me for days now. You refuse to look me in the eye, and you won’t talk to me. Cut the crap and tell me what I’ve done so I can fix it.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I could feel the traitorous tears dancing along the edges of my eyes, just waiting to fall. What had I done? I just wanted space to think, and without even realizing it, I was hurting him. I had to fix this, but before I could explain, I felt his right palm gently cupping my cheek, his thumb carefully sweeping away the tears that had only just begun to fall. I froze, unable to move, unable to speak. He was so close, so very, very close.

“Is it Sasuke?” he asked, no longer angry.

“ _What?_ ” I shrieked, finally finding my voice. I immediately pushed Shikamaru away so I could sit up straight. He didn’t fight me this time, but instead shifted further from me. He stared at me for a moment before breaking eye contact, running his hand over his forehead and sighing in discontent.

“You’re still in love with him.” It wasn’t a question. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach at his words. He was wrong, I didn’t love Sasuke anymore, and I hadn’t for a long time. But how could I make him believe me?

I had to tell him.

 _Yes, TELL HIM,_ my inner voice cheered. I tried to gather my courage but I was scared, so very scared of being rejected once more.

“You’re wrong!” I told him, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could. “I don’t love him anymore.”

“Sakura, you don’t have to lie to me, I get it.”

“No, you don’t!” I insisted, jumping to my feet. Shikamaru mirrored my stance, but this time it was me who moved closer. I had to tell him. I _needed_ to tell him.

“I don’t love him, I—”

“YO, SAKURA! SHIKAMARU! THERE YOU GUYS ARE!” Naruto’s voice cut in between us, effectively stopping me in my tracks. Shikamaru never looked away from me though; instead he patiently waited for me to finish. But I couldn’t. Not with Naruto here.

I hung my head in defeat, turning towards the oncoming ninja in orange. He wasn’t alone, Ino and Sai trailing behind him. Putting on a fake smile, I walked towards them. Shikamaru followed shortly behind me, but unlike me, he did little to hide his aggravation.

“Naruto. Sai. Ino-pig.”

“Billboard brow,” Ino cheerfully shot back without missing a beat.

“We’ve been looking all over for you guys!” Naruto chimed in. “We were about to head to Ichiraku for ramen. Wanna join?”

“I’ll pass,” Shikamaru responded. I couldn’t help but wince at the sharpness in his tone. “The Hokage gave me a bunch of reports to look over…such a bother. Anyway, you know how she is with deadlines.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Shikamaru turned to leave, but not before giving me a meaningful look. “We’ll talk later,” was all he said before nodding to the others and walking away. Naruto seemed to miss the tension between us, but from the looks Sai and Ino shared, they did not.

“Okay…well how about you, Sakura? You’re free, right?” I hesitated a moment, not sure if I felt like company.

“I think I’ll pass as well. I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow and should probably get some sleep.”

“But Sakura, you’re _always_ busy! We hardly get to see each other! Come on, it’s just for a little while, can’t you come?”

“I don’t know…” I trailed off. He was right, of course. By avoiding Shikamaru, I had inadvertently avoided just about everyone else as well.

“An hour out with us isn’t going to kill you,” Ino insisted. “You really should join us.”

I sighed in defeat. “Okay, okay, I’ll come, but I can’t stay out too late, alright?”

“Yahoo!” Naruto whooped in excitement, jumping with his fist towards the sky. I couldn’t help but smirk in amusement at his childish antics. Ino moved around him, shaking her head with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh brother,” she sighed, but the smirk she wore held only mirth.

“We should probably head out now,” Sai responded, “before Ugly changes her mind.”

“Will you stop calling me that?” I angrily replied, but he only smiled.

At Sai’s words, Naruto shot forward, racing off in the direction of his favorite ramen shop and leaving the rest of us rushing to catch up.

 _We’ll talk later_. Shikamaru’s words echoed in my head.

 _Next time_ , I thought with determination _. Next time I’ll tell him how I feel. No more running. No more hiding._

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This is my first Naruto fanfiction. So I hope you like. 
> 
> Damn Naruto, always gets in the way of the important conversations, hopefully, everything with Sakura will work out though! Or maybe not…I suppose you're going to have to wait and see to find out. Let me know what you think.  
> Cheers!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

 

As Usual, Ichiraku was packed; but we still managed to get seats as Naruto had a spot the owner had pretty much reserved just for him. The air buzzed with happy conversations and the smells of good cooking. We sat in a row at the bar, Naruto scarfing down his third bowl of soba noodles, while Ino, Sai and myself were still on our first.

“So, Sakura,” Ino began between bites of meat, “how’s the lab work been going?”

“Not bad,” I replied, “although I seem to have reached an impasse in my research.”

“What lab work is this?” Sai asked, his head tilting to the side.

Naruto immediately jumped in to explain. “Sakura’s been looking at how kekkei genkai are passed down through generations, or something like that. Right Sakura?”

“Um, yeah, pretty much. Wow, Naruto.” I wasn’t the only one shocked that Naruto actually knew what I was working on; both Ino and Sai also looked mildly stunned. Naruto looked up from his noodles as if sensing all our disbelief.

“What?” he asked, furrowing his brow. “Grandma Tsunade won’t stop talking about the implications your research will have if you figure it out. I don’t understand all the technical stuff, but from what I do get, it sounds awesome. You’re pretty much trying to duplicate special jutsu, right?”

“Well, in a nutshell, yeah…though it’s a lot more complicated than that,” I sighed. “Before I even get started, I have to have a solid understanding of how each individual kekkei genkai works and how they were developed. But to do that I need full access to the entire clan’s archives, which requires the clan leader’s approval. And then I’ll need volunteers so I can map out their genetic coding. That’s only the start of it, of course, but for now, I’m just focusing on getting access to the Uchiha clan’s archive. You can imagine how guarded most clans are about their secret jutsu." I shook my head, "I’ve been finding it almost impossible to get anyone to cooperate with me.”

Naruto’s eyes widened.

“…That…sounds…complicated,”

“But fascinating,” Sai added, actually sounding impressed. “I can see why a breakthrough like that would be beneficial. But if you’re having problems getting the leaders to assist you, why don’t you ask the Hokage to get them to cooperate?”

“We can’t just order every clan to reveal what makes them powerful. The fact that we’re planning on using that information so everyone can do it, well, it doesn’t exactly sit well with them. Lady Tsunade needs to keep the peace between the clans as much as she keeps the peace between nations, you know?” Truthfully, it’s been a bigger pain in my side than I was letting on. The lack of progress in clan cooperation was more than frustrating.

“Do you really need the full permission of leaders to learn about their jutsu though?” Ino asked. “Couldn’t you just ask individual clan members? I mean, I’ve heard Shino talk about his clan’s bug jutsu to Kiba before.”

“Sure, as of right now that’s all I’ve been able to do. But there’s only so much information they’re willing to tell me without giving too much away. So far only Kakashi’s given me 100% access to his Sharingan. Not that that counts for much as he’s not from the Uchiha clan, nor did he get it through genetic inheritance.” The only one left with that birthright was Sasuke, and he was long gone.

I sat in silence after that, only half-listening to the continued conversations of my friends around me. Thinking about Sasuke only reminded me of the conversation Shikamaru and I had moments ago. Clearly, he believed I was still in love with Sasuke, regardless that we hadn’t seen each other, or even spoken in over three years. On the other hand, when looking at it from his perspective, it’s not like I’ve done anything to contradict that opinion either. I’ve never dated – in fact; I’ve pretty much turned down every offer presented to me. In the beginning, it really was because of Sasuke. but, once I came to learn who Shikamaru was and how I felt for him…i knew there wasn’t anyone else that could compete. What was the point of bothering with anyone after that?

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that when Ino jumped up in excitement, I nearly choked on my noodles from surprise.

“What about Shikamaru?” Ino exclaimed. “You could totally ask him. There’s no way that man would refuse you,” she added with a wink. I had to turn my head away so to hide my blush.

“I don’t know…” I stalled, trying to come up with an excuse to refuse but finding nothing.

“Oh, come on, the Nara clan holds a lot of influence over the other clans, and Shikamaru’s father is the clan leader. If you asked him, I’m sure he could convince his father to get the other clans on board with what you’re doing. Plus, the Nara’s have a lot of medical background, so he would be a great help with your research and testing. Problem solved!”

“That’s true, but—”

“Not to mention,” Ino leaned towards me with a wicked grin plastered over her face. Her voice dropped to a sinister whisper. ”It would give you a real good excuse to have your hands all over him. All that alone time…I bet you’ll get to know his body real well.”

“Ino!” I hissed, frantically looking towards Sai and Naruto to make sure they hadn’t heard. They continued to eat their food and I could only hope they were as clueless about it as they looked.

“I’m just saying it could be the perfect opportunity,” Ino winked.

“Will you drop it already?” Why oh why couldn’t Ino learn to leave things alone? What sucked the most about it all was that she was dead right about everything. Not only would Shikamaru easily agree to help me if I asked, but to get a proper chakra map I would, of course, have to get extremely up close and personal with him on a regular basis. Images of Shikamaru shirtless with my hands running along his exposed flesh caused a tightness to form in the pit of my stomach.

Calm down, Sakura, I internally yelled at myself. What are you, fifteen? Have some self-control already!

Judging by Ino’s smug looks, she knew exactly why I was blushing so deeply. “If you’re worried he won’t agree,” Ino continued, “I could get him to do it for you. I know exactly how to get Shikamaru to oblige. That man won’t stand a chance against me!”

“NO! No, I can do it myself, thank you.” There was no way I was going to allow Ino to do that. In any case, I needed to leave before things got even more humiliating.

“Well, thanks for the meal guys, but I really have to head out now. See you later, bye!” Before the others could say a word, I threw my money on the counter and bolted from the restaurant. Without a glance back I heading straight for my apartment.

Damn Ino. She was so right, and she knew it too.

When the clan leaders wouldn’t cooperate, of course, my first thought was to turn to Shikamaru. He was the perfect solution. But it was because we had to get so close that I couldn’t ask. To be so near him, to touch him and learn the most intimate workings of his body and mind…no way in hell could I do that without compromising myself! But now that Ino brought it up, there was no getting out of it. If I didn’t approach him about it, not only would Ino ask him herself, but there was no doubt that either Naruto or Sai would bring it up, in time. There was already too much going unsaid between Shikamaru and me to have that thrown at him too. If he knew I had asked all our friends for help on this but him…there’s no way he wouldn’t take offense to that. Which left me little choice but to ask him.

 

All I could do was hope I could handle it when the time came.

 

X          X          X          X          X          X          X          X          X          X          X         

 

The moment I got home I went straight to the bathroom to have a shower, wanting nothing more than to wash the day’s stress away. I sighed in pleasure from the feeling of the hot water pelting down my back. I took my time, lathering and rinsing my hair and body, the streams of water washing away my every care. By the time I got out, the room was thick with steam.

After wrapping a towel around myself I wiped the mirror clear, studying my reflection. Looking at the image that stared back, I saw all the ways I was different from someone as gorgeous as Ino. She, who had hair as fine as a woven gold, with the kind of soft curves every romance novel loved to describe, always stood at a level I never seemed able to reach. I wasn’t bad looking, mind you. But, I also didn’t have that same degree of femininity and grace that Ino radiated. I was slime, but while her figure could be described as soft and smooth, mine was more stockish. The hard line of muscle encasing my arms and body a statement of the years I had spent training under Lady Tsunade. Sure, I had let my pink hair grow out a little bit in the past five years. So, rather than letting it rest above my shoulders, it flowed in soft waves about three inches past to appear more feminine. but, unlike Ino's, it lacked the same luster as displayed by others. My skin, while still smooth and clear, when looked at closer, was marred with lines and the faint traces of scares from past battles. Using one of my fingers, I traced a particularly deep one that ran from my collarbone across to my left shoulder. While out on a mission, I had gotten ambushed by a rogue ninja and had failed to assess their strength. It was only instinct that allowed me to duck in time as a hidden trap launched multiple blades directed straight at me. I had been fast enough to avoid the kill, but not fast enough to avoid it completely. It was these scares that I treasured the most, as they reminded me of how far I had come. They weren’t the only signs as well.

Looking up, I smiled at the diamond-shaped seal on my forehead. It had taken years to achieve, but it was this mark that finally established me as not only an equal among my fellow ninja but to Naruto and Sasuke as well. I was no longer the weak link, left behind on the sidelines. I was a jounin; head of the medical research unit at the hospital, and the most renowned medical ninja around having even surpassed Lady Tsunade. This seal symbolized exactly how much I had changed. To me, that was worth more than any amount of physical beauty ever could.

Reaching up, I tucked a strand of wet hair behind my ear and grinned before exiting into my bedroom. Walking towards my closet, I changed into my nightgown, a small black silken nightie Ino had purchased as a gift for my birthday last year. It was a simple piece with lace patterns along the hem and sleeves to give a sort of sexy flair. It fit me as if made only for me, hinting at more curves than was actually there, and fell a little higher than mid-thigh.

Naruto and Shikamaru had looked scandalized when I had pulled it out form the box. Their faces turning a striking red as they had turned away, staring at anything other than what I held in my hand. Kiba had let out a long wolf whistle as everyone else looked amused at my reaction or wiggled their eyebrows suggestively. My face had turned so red; I swore I’d never wear it, throwing it back into the box with a greater speed than Naruto racing off to Ichiraku's. Later that night, I got curious and tried it on… Since then, it’s been my favorite thing to sleep in.

I was in the middle of towel drying my hair when I heard a knock at the door.

“I’m in my room!” I called out, assuming it to be Lady Tsunade since she told me she would be stopping by to drop off more research files. As I heard the door open, I throwing my towel into the hamper and walked out to greet my former mentor.

“I’m surprised you knocked this time. You usually walk in-” I trailed off, my blood turning cold as my heart lodged itself into my throat. The person standing inside my house was definitely not Lady Tsunade, but Shikamaru.

As soon as Shikamaru caught sight of me, he froze in place. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open, faint traces of red stained his ears. I could feel my own face heating up in mortification. Funny how it takes a guy seeing me in this thing for me to actually become aware of how little I had on.

I expected Shikamaru to turn away at any moment, but he didn’t. Instead, I watched as his eyes slowly, but surely, slid down my body before leisurely dragging back up to my face. Whether it was a trick of the light or not, I swear I saw his them darken when they met mine. Fire burned in my stomach so fiercely that I instinctively wrapped my arms around my torso, as if the act alone could keep me from falling to pieces beneath his stare. My movement must have brought him back to reality, because the moment I locked my arms around myself, his demeanor changed. Looking away, he swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.

“Sorry…I’ll ahh…be in the living room…so you can change or…something…”

He shot past me without so much as a second glance. I rushed back to my room and grabbed my fuzzy white robe, securing the long, bulky fabric around myself and fastening the sash around my waist.

So many emotions were running through me that I could hardly keep track of them. The embarrassment from him seeing me was definitely strong, but then I was also strangely happy. Happy that he was the first to see me in this, and happy by the prospect that he might have actually checked me out. If that reaction was anything to go off, anyway…

“Sakura,” Shikamaru called from the living room, “are you okay?”

Shit shit shit shit shit! I was going to have to face him. But how?

It’s okay, Sakura, stay calm. You can do this! Just act like it never happened. Yeah, that’s it, pretend nothing happened and everything will be fine. The only problem being that I couldn’t get his expression out of my mind.

“I’m coming,” I called back, and, ignoring my turmoil, walked out of my room to face him with my head held high. “Sorry, I thought you were Lady Tsunade. If I’d known it was you…” I didn’t know how else to finish that sentence.

“It’s fine,” he reassured me, looking everywhere else but at me. “I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all…” His face was still fairly pink. I waited for him to say something, anything, but when the silence continued to stretch, I had to break it.

“So…what brings you here? you said you had a lot of paperwork to catch up on.”

“I did,” he said, finally glancing in my direction. “But I ended up running into the Hokage. Long story short, she asked me to bring you these.” Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a stack of folders tied together with red string.

“Oh, thank you.”

He handed them to me but averted his eyes so as not to meet mine. Clearing his throat, he took a moment to contemplate his next words. “Those are for your work on kekkei genkai?” he finally asked.

“Um, yeah,” I answered lamely. “Lady Tsunade was granted permission by the elders to use Uchiha scrolls to help me research the Sharingan. How did you know about my research?”

“I overheard my old man talking about it,” Shikamaru shrugged as if he could care less. “He was interested in your ideas, but wasn’t too keen on letting other members outside the clan learn our secrets.”

“Not many are.”

“I have to admit, your theory on chakra passageways and manipulating genetic coding is intriguing. I imagine the benefits of such a procedure would be very high.”

“Theoretically, yes. It could unlock whole new levels of jutsu development. But without test subjects, I can’t really do much else other then hypothesize.” I couldn’t help but bite the inside of my cheek at that last part. If I was going to ask him, now would be the best time. “Speaking of subjects,” I continued, my hands twisting around the sash of my robe. “I don’t suppose you would be able to help me, would you?”

I took it as a good sign when Shikamaru didn’t instantly reject my proposal, but instead mulled it over before replying. “What exactly would I be required to do?”

“Any chance you could get the other clans to consider having me study them?” I smiled sheepishly. “Also, I could do with a second pair of eyes and a sharp mind to help figure this out. It’s turning out to be a lot more difficult than I anticipated. And if you really want to go crazy, I’d love to map out your chakra passageways and run some tests on your physiology.” He raised his eyebrow at that. I continued to twist and untwist the rope around my hands.

“So far, every clan leader has rejected my requests for aid. The only one I’ve been able to map out is Kakashi, and that’s technically cheating.”

I fell silent after that and waited. Shikamaru looked off to the side and stared at the wall. His lips were pursed slightly, his expression clouded over in quiet contemplated. After a while, when I was almost certain he would refuse, he spoke.

“I don’t see why not. I can help you with the research aspects of it, and the chakra mappings shouldn’t be a problem. As for getting other leaders to agree, I’ll see what I can do. No promises, though.”

I shook my head, letting go of my robe and clasping my hands together in front of my face.

“Don’t be sorry, that’ll be more than enough! Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me.” Quickly, before I could lose my nerve, I hugged him in gratitude.

Immediately, his arms wrapped around me to return my embrace. A murmured “So troublesome,” so quiet I almost missed it. I buried my face into his neck, enjoying the smell of ink and grass that clung to him.

When I felt him start to pull away I let go, stepping back so as not to make things awkward.

“Well, I should head back now,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I’ll speak with my old man about your proposal and see what he thinks. I’ll find you tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded in return before stepping aside and leading him to the front door. Before I could show him out, however, he paused.

“Not that it’s any of my business,” he started sheepishly, “but that nightgown…isn’t that the same one Ino got you for your birthday last year? As in, the one you swore you would never be caught dead in?” His question immediately caused my face to heat up like a volcano.

“Maybe…Look,” I added hastily, “please don’t tell Ino. She’ll never let me live it down!” Shikamaru chuckled at my plea, shaking his head.

“Your secret’s safe with me. Promise.”

“Thanks,” I exhaled. “And thanks again for agreeing to help me. I really do appreciate it.”

Shikamaru merely shrugged before opening the front door to leave. He took a single step but hesitated with a lasting thought. In an instant, he looked over his shoulder, locking his eyes with mine.

“By the way,” he smirked, “that nightgown looks a lot better on you than it did in the box.”

He was gone before my brain could even process what he said, but when it did I couldn’t keep the goofy grin off my face. Closing the door, I slid down its frame and placed my hands over my thundering heart.

Yeah, this nightgown just became my new favorite outfit…period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added note: the setting of this story is a few years after the fourth Shinobi world war with Saskue having left on his redemption journey. Sakura's feelings for Shikamaru started when she was around 19, she is now 21. As for the jutsu stuff, I won't claim to be a master on it because I'm not, in fact, I know very little about it and all that I do I find out from looking it up on Google, so if there is anything I get wrong about the clans and or chakra/jutsu stuff, please let me know so that I may correct my errors as soon as possible. Other than that I really hope you enjoyed my second chapter. Comments are my lifeblood, as they fuel my desire to write more :P
> 
> Until next time, Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

By the time I woke up, I felt well-rested and ready for work. Since taking over as the head researcher at the hospital, I spent most of my time in the library or my personal lab. Today, I was scheduled to meet with Lady Tsunade first. I’d come a long way since the first time I met Malady. I must have been such a nightmare for her to deal with. Me, practically useless at the time, barging in on her work, demanding she train me. She sure made me work for it. Wouldn’t even touch me until I had read the entire medical archive in her study. I had done it though. I learned not only how to regrow cells using chakra, but how to channel my own to act as a lens to deconstruct a body with nothing more than my own energy. More than that, though, Lady Tsunade had taught me how to channel my chakra to the point where my control possessed a finesse that allowed me to enhance my own abilities tenfold. The training had been asperous; more times than I could have hoped to keep track of I was pounded into the ground with an unrelenting finality. She didn’t just teach me how to fight, she taught me how to take a hit, how to absorb energy into my own and turn it into a backlash. It took a long time, over three years of struggling. In the end, I walked away having mastered the art of healing as well as death. I could do more than mend broken bones; I could shatter an entire skeleton without even breaking the skin. I could diffuse poisons; construct antidotes …even make them myself.

Untraceable.

Undetectable.

Under Lady Tsunade’s tender care I became something beyond what anyone else had envisioned. Even myself.

I wasn’t some silly girl any longer. I was a weapon.

Most importantly, however, I could finally give back what she had so generously given me. I was finally at a point in my life where I could help people, rather than always needing help myself.

With an extra skip in my step, I went through my usual breakfast routine, drinking a cup of coffee as I cooked my rice and fried my egg.

Once I sat down to eat, I opened the first file Shikamaru dropped off last night. Within them contained information about the history and development of the Sharingan, just as I requested of Lady Tsunade. I was able to pick up most of the Sharingan’s history simply by talking to Kakashi, not to mention my personal experience with the few Sharingan users over the years. Still, after further scanning the pages, I found bits of information I hadn’t been fully aware of.

Finishing with the document quickly, I picked up a new folder, opening it between mouthfuls of breakfast. Inside were Kakashi’s full medical records from before and after the Sharingan was implanted in him. Perfect! With these, I could finally start to get a handle on the experiment.

After inspecting all the charts to make sure nothing was missing, I put them away, making a mental note to study them later with Shikamaru. I then slumped over the final folder, containing the full medical history of Sasuke Uchiha up until he left the village.

_Sasuke._

No! I shook my head, closing the file without further inspection. I got up, grabbing my dishes before dumping them in the sink as I filled it with water.

_If he knew._

I grabbed the soap and dishcloth, scorning the plates of every trace of food.

 _And how’s he ever going to find out?_ I discarded the first plate onto the table. Grabbing the next, I repeated my attack. A _fter all, he’s not even here. Hell, you don’t even know if he’s ever coming back…it’s not like–_

The deafening crack as the plate shattered in my hands had me pulling back with a curse. I hissed, yanking my hands out of the sink as I scrutinized the damage, glaring at the speckled drops of red as they sprouted around my hands. Careless. Turning on the tap, I ran them under the cool water, not even thinking about it as I sealed the minuscule breaks in the skin as if the entire thing hadn’t happened. Looking into the water, I only wished I could do the same with my dish.

Not that it mattered…. after all, what was one more broken dish…no more than one more opened file. No matter what I did, the fact remained that I would be invading the privacy Sasuke valued above all else. When – _if_ – he did get back, I doubt he would forgive me for it.

I pulled the plug in the sick, daftly watching the water drain as it took with it minuscule shards of glass. What’s done was done. I had asked for the files, now I had them; there was no point second-guessing myself.

Glancing up at the clock above my stove, I cried out in surprise. _I’m late!_

Ignoring the remaining glass in my sink, I stuffed the files into my bag as I ran to change. I grabbed my newest uniform from my closet, a little number that, much like my nightgown, was also a product of Ino’s intervention.

About three weeks ago, Ino had barged into my apartment, demanding a shopping trip, stating that my ninja uniform was not appropriate, that I was now a woman and it was about time I started dressing like one. Not surprisingly, Ino’s vision of adult wear translated to “less clothing/more skin,” while my feelings were quite the opposite. After four hours of arguing which lead to a full-out battle, we finally settled on a compromise. Which, in all honesty, was very flattering.

Now my uniform consisted of a pink halter-top and red skirt, embellished with my usual white Haruno insignia. Due to Ino’s influence, the top was cropped so it ended about two inches below my chest. Being much more conservative than her, I refused to reveal so much skin. Instead, I wore a netted undershirt underneath, as well as mesh shorts beneath my skirt. The skirt had a slanted black belt draped over it with a long white strip of fabric that fell between my legs so as not to reveal too much. While the outfit was still a tad too revealing for my tastes, I couldn’t argue that I did look good in it. I hadn’t worn it in public yet, so today was my first day to see everyone’s reactions.

After putting on my uniform and brushing my hair, I slipped on my elbow-length fingerless gloves and matching knee-high boots. Sneaking a quick glance in the mirror, I grabbed my bag as I rushed out the door.

 

 

 

The sun was out, casting its warm heat over the village. Children ran in the streets, artfully dodging wandering civilians and shinobi alike. I paused, wistfully remembering the old days when I was first at the academy. Everything was so much simpler then, with no responsibilities or real danger. The biggest problem I had was passing my exams and getting Sasuke to notice me. Times certainly had changed.

 _Not all change is bad,_ I thought happily, Shikamaru’s face coming to mind. T _hey can lead to some pretty amazing things._

I tore my gaze from the playful children to take a glance at my watch. Grimacing, I picked up my pace. Lady Tsunade was so going to kill me.

Somehow, by the grace of the Kami, I made it to her office in record time, though I was a little worse for wear as a result. Shizune was waiting out front, Tonton sitting at her feet.

“Good morning, Sakura,” Shizune greeted me.

“Morning,” I smiled weakly. “How mad is she?”

“You’re in luck. She’s currently in a meeting with Shikamaru and Shikaku Nara. I’ve been instructed to have you wait here until they finish.”

“What a relief! How long have they been in there?” I asked semi-curiously, though I, of course, had a good idea as to why.

“About four hours I would say,” Shizune sighed. “I can’t imagine they’ll take much longer.” As if on cue, the office door opened to reveal a very tired Shikaku paired nicely with an exasperated Tsunade.

“Sakura,” Lady Tsunade nodded at me with a grimace, “sorry to keep you waiting. We were just going over the details of the Nara's involvement with your newest project.”

“It was no trouble,” I reassured her, bowing before them. “Have you come to an agreement?”    

“We have,” she answered. “Shikamaru will act as your equal partner with the research and development of the experiment. Shikaku will also be lending his influence to us by agreeing to help with clan negotiations. In exchange for their help, you’ll be providing full copies of all data accumulated to the Nara clan. Are you agreeable on these terms?”

“Of course,” I replied without hesitation. It was more than a fair price to pay for their help. I turned again towards Shikamaru and his father, bowing again in gratitude.

“Thank you for your assistance.”

“Anything to aid the well-being of the Leaf Village,” Shikaku replied gravely. “Now that things have been settled, I’ll begin negotiations immediately.” With that, Shikamaru’s father took his leave, respectfully nodding his farewell.

Lady Tsunade sighed, massaging her forehead in agitation.

“Did you look over the files Shikamaru brought you last night?”

“Yes M’lady, thank you for helping me with this.”

“Of course,” she waved off my thanks. “Now then, you’re to go over everything with Shikamaru. As I said, you two are to be partners in this. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Of course.”

Lady Tsunade nodded, then looked towards Shikamaru, who had been nothing but silent the entire time. “Same goes for you. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you, Lady Hokage,” Shikamaru replied respectfully.

“Well,” she moaned, “now that this is settled, you two can get started. You’re dismissed.” As she said it, her eyes drifted mournfully towards the large stack of documents sitting neatly on her desk. I almost felt bad for her, until I remembered just how much paperwork I was about to delve into myself. Leaving her to it, Shikamaru and I left her to her work, closing the door quietly behind us.

“Good morning, by the way,” I said cheerfully to Shikamaru, his smirk a greeting of its own. I watched as his eyes, much like last night, slowly slid down my body before settling on my face.

“Ino?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“Is there anything in your wardrobe she _hasn’t_ gotten her hands on?”

“Oh, shut up,” I hissed back, matching my steps with his so we were walking side by side.

“For your information, Ino doesn’t _always_ get her way with me. I do get a say in what I wear, you know.”

Shikamaru just snorted.

“You keep telling yourself that.”

“Does it really look that bad?” I asked, not quite able to keep the note of disappointment from seeping into my tone.

“Don’t go putting words in my mouth. I never said that.”

“You never said it looked good either,” I countered.

“What is it with you women and needing others to approve of what you wear?” Shikamaru groaned. “It’s such a drag.”

“Fine, just forget it,” I sulked.

He leaned his head back, clearly exasperated.

“… Listen, you look good in everything you wear. Happy? Now can we focus on more important things than the latest trends? You’re supposed to be briefing me on your studies.”

“Fine, fine,” I waved it off, easily slipping back into medic mode. “Okay, so most of my intel is filed away in my lab, but as I said last night, it’s not much. The files you dropped off contain the most detailed information I have so far. As for the experimental part, I’ve only been able to get Kakashi to agree, so, until your father can swing some favor for us, that’s all we have.”

“What have you been doing with Kakashi?”

“So far just picking his brain on everything he knows about the Sharingan. I had planned to start on mapping out his chakra passageways soon though, this afternoon hopefully...”  

“Is Kakashi the only Sharingan user you’ve been able to get medical records for?” Shikamaru asked thoughtfully. “What about the records of past Uchihas?”

Shikamaru immediately picked up on my hesitation, raising his brow in question.

“Well…I was able to get one,” I replied softly. “I’m still waiting for more.”

“Whose do you have?”

“ …Sasuke’s.”

“…I see. Have you been able to compare his with Kakashi’s yet?” Shikamaru’s tone went noticeably flat. I tried to decipher his thoughts, but his face was set like stone. Even his eyes revealed nothing.

“I actually haven’t looked at Sasuke’s files yet…” I trailed off. “I mean, I planned to read them last night…I just…couldn’t bring myself to open them.”

Kami, my words sounded false even to my own ears.

Shikamaru didn’t ask me any more questions after that. In fact, he still hadn’t said a word by the time we arrived at the hospital. I silently led him through the halls toward my office where I stored my records, all the while wondering how I was going to break the ever-growing tension. I had nothing.

When we got to my study, Shikamaru walked in ahead of me, his impenetrable mask still present despite the change in scenery. My office, a personal pride, was a moderately sized room with eggshell white walls and black bookcases, each of them filled with various scrolls and medical texts. My comfortably-sized oak desk sat at the back of the room, facing the door, with a small sitting area located in the left corner. Two tan loveseats were placed there, with a small oak table nestled neatly between them to emit a cozy, studious atmosphere.

“Everything’s in there,” I said, pointing towards the far right wall of filing cabinets.

Shikamaru nodded his acknowledgment as he made a beeline towards the files, already familiar with my organization methods. He found the materials with relative ease.

“Is this all of it?” he asked, holding up a thick stack.

“Pretty much…” I shifted awkwardly. “Um, we can relocate to the library to work, if you want, or we can just stay here.” The library, while full with many more books than I could ever hope to fit in here, was also far less private. Though the atmosphere between us was still tense, I hoped he would want to stay regardless.

“Do we have everything we’ll need here?” he asked while closing the filing case.

“Yes…”

“Then here is fine. To cart all these files to the library and back is too much of a drag.”

“In that case,” turning away to hide my joy, I opened my top drawer before reached inside. “You can just set those on the table by the armchairs. If you’d like, I can get another desk brought in so you can set up your own stuff. You’ll just have to make do with the sitting area today.” Grabbing what I wanted, I closed the drawer and looked up where Shikamaru had paused mid-step, surprise flashing across his face.

“You don’t have to do that. This is _your_ office. I don’t want to intrude.”

“It’s no trouble,” I insisted. Walking over to him, I swiped the files out of his hands, replacing them with my spare key, my fingers lingering a second longer than necessary.  

“It’s the least I can do after all the help you’ll be giving me. Besides, as of today, this is technically your office too. So, please, let me know what you need so I can get it for you.”

I watched as his gaze slowly melted into a tender softness before his hands closed over the key I had just gifted him. Kami was he handsome. Strong lines along his face, the curve of his lips, Shikamaru emanated masculinity. His scent was always a subtle mixture of grass combined with ink, a product of his day-to-day activities. Looking at him like this though, with the light of my office illuminating his face, it was clear it was his eyes which were the real feature that set him apart. They told stories all on there own. I could see everything he felt, even the things he wanted to hide. Like now, they reflected a gentle gratitude, a shimmering softness wading in black onyx, causing my knees to weaken. I was at a loss for words.        

“Thank you,” he murmured. “In that case, a desk would be very much appreciated.”

 _Move, dammit_ , I cursed inwardly, _before you make an even bigger fool of yourself._

With great difficulty, I somehow broke the spell and moved away from him, swiftly making my way to the sitting area. I dropped the files on the table with gusto, avoiding the desire to glance back over my shoulder. It was times like these I wished I were braver, that I could rip down the invisible walls separating us and tell him how I felt. Would he smile his hidden smile? Lightly brush my cheek or call me “troublesome” as he always did, his little way of showing affection. Or, would he just turn away, unsure of what to do as I laid my heart bare.

Rejected.

Overlooked.

“We should probably get started then,” I suggested, dismissing my last train of thought. He smirked back. My face heated up, the warmth spreading all the way down my neck.

_If only he didn’t make it so hard._

I handed him the files before he could even sit down, reaching into my bag and pulling out the three he had brought me the night before. I gave him the folder containing information on the Sharingan, but kept the medical records for myself, as I hadn’t looked at them in much detail yet.

For the next few hours, all we did was read. It took great effort to take my mind off of the man sitting next to me and focus on the work I was so passionate about. Occasionally, Shikamaru would ask a question, but for the most part, we sat in a comfortable silence, the hesitant mood between us lifting as more time passed. I studied both Kakashi and Sasuke’s medical records, briefly notating the differences and similarities between their chakra channels until I was deeply engrossed in the data.

“Hey, Sakura,” Shikamaru asked offhandedly while I was nose-deep in the text. “Have you looked into brain signals and relay structures within the Sharingan’s optical stimuli?”

“In what way?” I asked, mind still partly focused on my own work, not really seeing where he was going. Nonetheless, my attention was piqued.

“Well, according to these scrolls, the Sharingan is first activated when the recipient comes to know a powerful emotion, such as love or friendship,” he clarified. “Such a stressful or emotional condition causes the brain to release a special form of chakra that affects the optic nerves, thus, transforming the eyes into the Sharingan. Right?”

“Yes…?” I answered, my brow furrowing. I attempted to piece together all the information possibly running through his mind, hoping to make the connection before he could finish. Unsurprisingly, Shikamaru’s thought process was like an ever-changing web, nearly impossible to follow.

“Well. Aren’t there optic nerves connected to the amygdala?”

This was true, I reflected, having learned much about it throughout my time as acting medic in the hospital. The amygdala was a small structure in the brain, essential for decoding emotion, especially the emotional stimuli the brain considered threatening.

“So,” Shikamaru continued, “if overpowering emotions is what triggers the Sharingan, is it possible that the relay systems in these optic nerves may have an enhanced chakra chain? Even if the Sharingan has gone through the initial transformation already, wouldn’t you say it’s possible there are still lasting effects?”

I paused to consider his words.

“It’s possible…” I trailed off.

Because the Sharingan was connected to the eye, and therefore the optic lens, the recipient would have superior vision when activated. That was common knowledge. In order for it to be activated, however, as Shikamaru mentioned, an extreme emotion of fear or love would have to be felt. So it would make sense for the Sharingan to be somehow connected to the amygdala, the host of all raw emotion.

But an enhanced chakra chain? How would that even work? How would such chakra connect with the brain?

Then it hit me.

The brain was a network of electrical energy that created neuron passageways, or rather, information highways. All functions of the brain would be connected within a single, perfectly-balanced network. Chakra was also a form of energy, maybe not electrical per se, but energy nonetheless. What if…what if the Sharingan could manipulate chakra strands to enter the brain by connecting to these electrical information highways?

There was still the matter of how chakra would be able to do that in the first place. Could it create its own special highways, running alongside the originals? Or could it be connected at a much deeper level?  

“If what you’re suggesting is true,” I continued slowly, “then you’re saying the Sharingan has created chakra chains that function like neurons. Is that even possible?”

“Maybe not like neurons exactly,” Shikamaru mused. “To have a separate highway system beside the original one would be too much. Activity like that would most likely fry the brain.” He steepled his fingers, the gears in his mind turning and processing.

“The Sharingan enhances its capabilities, so it’s more likely the chakra imbeds itself into the highways themselves, running as a single system of information rather than as a separate unit.”

“So it acts like a boost to the system, an upgrade?”

“Exactly. This would allow the Sharingan to not only connect to the amygdala, but it would also act as an amplifier to every other part of the brain as well—”

“Which would explain the assortment of abilities the Sharingan gives its recipient!” I finished for him.  

“That’s right,” Shikamaru agreed, sitting back with a smug grin.  

“If this is true…” I continued, breathless, still trying to sort out all the information compiling in my head, “if the Sharingan has formulated a network of chakra channels between the optic nerves and amygdala – and therefore every other aspect of the brain – then it would also have a strong connection to the hypothalamus as well.” I grinned, my enthusiasm quickly taking over my thoughtful tone as I started connecting the dots. “Which would explain how it grants the user the ability to instantly memorize techniques!”

Shikamaru’s answering smile was just as pleased. “Not to mention,” he continued, “it can also have a connection with the Sharingan’s second known ability: inducing hypnosis. It would explain why their ability to implant thoughts into their opponents simply by means of eye contact is so powerful.” He leaned forward, his growing intensity matching my own, despite his usual laid-back nature. “It’s possible the connection between the neuron passageways has become so enhanced, they can not only connect within its own system but the system of others.”

I thought back to what I had seen of the Sharingan throughout the years when Kakashi threw me into a genjutsu of my worst fear. I shivered as I recalled just how chilling it felt when I saw the hallucination of Sasuke impaled by countless kunai. It seemed so real. A hallucination like that required either intimate knowledge of a person’s weaknesses or, like Shikamaru suggested, a direct link into their mind. I quickly processed what he was implying with a squeal of delight.

“Yes! And by manipulating these messages and transferring them to the _opponent’s_ amygdala, it can also manipulate the emotions of the victim, effectively taking control of their actions!” I bolted up in my seat. “Shikamaru, you’re a genius! This is absolutely brilliant!”

I quickly scanned through my medical reports, finding what I was looking for, I pulled it from the pile to lay it out for Shikamaru. It was Kakashi’s brain map from before and after the Sharingan was implanted, displaying his neuron transmitter activities. Shikamaru leaned forward to get a better look.

“It shows here,” I indicated towards a spot on the diagram, “that before Kakashi obtained the Sharingan, his neuron activity was nowhere near as high as it is now. I can’t believe I missed something so simple!” I was far too excited about this breakthrough to be too disappointed with myself. I had probably been thinking too hard about it, too prepared for a complicated solution that was really just lying in front of my nose this whole time.

It was incredible, the possibilities were endless… if it could be duplicated, it could do more than just bring up latent talents of the Kekkei Genkai in children who had failed to develop the skill, I could find a way to recreate that same flow in other, maybe even without in those where the Sharingan wasn’t a blood right.

“To duplicate something like that,” I could even use that knowledge to enhance _other_ Genkai, like a hybrid of sorts. “To manipulate chakra strands into the human brain artificially…that would take _unfathomable_ amounts of control. One wrong move would completely fry the brain, killing the patient. I don’t even know how I would begin such a process.”

“Slow down,” Shikamaru reasoned coolly. “This is still just a guess after all. We still have to see if our hypothesis is actually accurate. Once we can determine the accuracy of our claims, then we can work out how to replicate the results.”

I nodded in agreement. He was right, of course. As tempting as it was to let my imagination run wild, I needed to be realistic with my abilities to accomplish such a feat. Even if it was sure to be difficult, I had faith that with Shikamaru’s help, I could figure it out. Internally, I had to laugh at the irony that while Shikamaru was known to be extremely lazy, he also loved nothing more than a good puzzle. It’s what made him the top-notch strategist he is, and incidentally, the best ally I could have had in this experiment.

“I guess there’s only one thing left to do then,” I slinked forward with a wicked cackle. “We have to hunt down Kakashi so I can pick his brain and see what secrets lie beneath!”

Shikamaru just shook his head in disbelief. “You know, Sakura, sometimes you can be really scary.”

I snorted in reply, a mischievous grin still lurking on my face. Grabbing his hand, I began dragging him out of my office.

“You’re lucky I like you so much then,” I shot back bravely, the hope in him catching my meaning at odds with the prayer that he would not.

“On the contrary,” he chortled back. “It just has me fearing for my life on a regular basis.”

“Well then, you’d better prepare yourself, because once I’m done with Kakashi, you’re next.” I dropped his hand, locking my own together behind my back.

“The things I go through to make you happy,” he sighed, shaking his head in exasperation. He turned to me then with a smirk before stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Content, I slowed my pace to walk beside him – close enough to touch, but far enough that we didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, a big thanks to all you who have read my story, left kudos, or written a comment. Truly, it means the world. 
> 
> I hope you like the latest chapter and would love to hear what you think.
> 
> This will be the last update until after the Christmas season. 
> 
> Cheers!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

 

We found Kakashi eating noodles at Ichiraku; only, he wasn’t alone. From the stack of bowls on Naruto’s left, it looked like they had been here for quite a while.

“Yo guys!” Naruto waved, his arms like a beckon demanding our notice. “Wanna join us for some ramen?”

“Not today,” I apologized. “We’re actually here for Kakashi.”

Said former sensei who was no longer eating, but casually reading one of his sleazy _Make Out Paradise_ books.

“If you’re not busy, Shikamaru and I hoped to borrow you for a few hours.”

He didn’t look up as he answered. “Am I to assume this has to do with your research?”

“Yes, I’d like to begin mapping out your chakra patterns, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” Kakashi shrugged, turning to Naruto. “Well, that means our training is done for the day. We can pick it up again tomorrow morning.”

“Okay!” Naruto agreed easily, to my surprise. I was so used to him whining about not sleeping in. I guess even Naruto could grow up.

“Grandma Tsunade promised to start my Hokage training, so I’ll just head over there for the rest of the day.”

“Lady Tsunade has been training you?” I asked, eyes wide. A twinge of regret filled me; I had been so absorbed with my own life that I failed to keep up with anything else.

“Yeah! Pretty cool, huh?” Naruto beamed, though he scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

“I mean, it’s a lot of work, and if I slack off she can get really scary, but with her training, I’ll be one step closer to becoming the next Hokage!”

“That’s great, Naruto! Lady Tsunade is a great teacher. Just don’t expect her to go easy on you,” I added as an afterthought. I turned back towards Kakashi after shooting Naruto one last grin. “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure, but I don’t think your partner is,” Kakashi chuckled. Sure enough, there was Shikamaru, sitting at a booth ordering lunch.

“Shikamaru, what are you doing? This is no time to be eating!” I cried with annoyance. He turned just enough to cast me a mocking eyeroll.

“Considering it’s nearly one in the afternoon, I’d say it’s the perfect time for eating.”

“You can’t be—”

“Sakura,” he interrupted, “we’ve been working all morning. You can’t honestly say you’re not the least bit hungry.”

“Well…” I trailed off. In all honesty, I hardly even noticed the time. I was so used to working in a crazy hospital environment that going long periods of time without meals wasn’t new to me. Work usually took up all my attention; I didn’t have time to think about eating, so I didn’t. It wasn’t the healthiest way to live but it was what I was used to. Upon reflection, and thanks to Shikamaru’s ever-graceful tact, I realized I was actually famished.

“Sit down,” he drawled. “I’ve already ordered your favorite.”

“You should listen to him,” Kakashi advised with a yawn. “I’m in no rush. If you burn yourself out too much, it’ll affect your work in the long run.”

“Fine, fine,” I agreed with a huff. I sat down beside Shikamaru, giving him my deadliest glare. He paid no attention to me, choosing instead to talk to Naruto about his new training as we waited for our food to arrive.

 

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“I don’t know how you guys stand it!” Naruto continued, his hands clasped on either side of his head. “All that paperwork, it never ends!”

“All you have to do is read the reports, try being the one that has to submit them. It’s such a drag.”

“It’s just, it’s so much…” Naruto eyes tightened, his hands clenching and unclenching. “What if I can’t keep up?”

“Are you kidding me?” I interjected, “Naruto, you are singularly the most extraordinary person I have ever met. You’ve been preaching for years how you would be Hokage. You’ve worked your ass off more than anyone else, are you really going to let a bunch of scrolls keep you from your dream?”

“But what if…” He bit his lip, his shoulders slightly hunching around himself. “What if, I’m not, like, smart enough…”

“Than I’ll help you.” Shikamaru broke in, his hands reaching out to accept the bowl of noodles being offered to him.

“We all will.” I agreed, taking my own. “You’re not alone in this. Never.”

“You guys…thanks, this means a lot.”

“It’s a nice change,” I said between my first bite of food, “usually you’re the one always helping me. It’s about time I return the favor.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve always been there for me when I needed you.”

“Forcing you to eat a proper meal every now and then can hardly be considered noteworthy.” I laughed.

“You also help me with my laundry.”

“Don’t forget, you also taught him how to manage a budget.” Kakashi snickered from the side.

“Geez, at this rate I’ll be teaching you how to make mortgage payments next.”

“I eagerly await your guidance.”

“Shit.” I nearly choked on my noodles. “Stop making me into your mother.”

“Are you saying I’d make a bad son?”

“The worst.” I nodded.

“And here I thought we were family!”

“Go find someone else to play house with.”

“Hey, Shika–“

“Call me Daddy and I will have you banned from this place for a month.”

The silence lasted all but five seconds before I couldn’t contain my laughter any longer, the look of horror on Naruto’s face just too much to take.

“You’re bluffing.”

Shikamaru returned his accusation with a devilish grin.

“ _Sakura”_ Naruto wailed, desperately latching onto my arm. “He can’t do that right? _Right_? Please, don’t let him do that!”

“I don’t know,” I said, still laughing, “sounds like a great way to get you to start doing your own cooking for once.”

“ _Saaakurrraaaa_!”

“Don’t make me ground you.”

Shikamaru, in the middle of taking a sip of tea, spluttered and gagged, his head falling to the table as he fought to control his laughter.

“Oh, man, this is getting so weird.”

“Than change the topic.”

“No.” Children, the both of them.

Lunch continued on, as the laughter winded down, however, Naruto got back around to talking about his training, drilling Shikamaru with questions about the different political reforms of the four nations. As they continued to talk, I settled into my food, contenting myself to just listen and watch as I discretely glanced at Shikamaru from the corner of my eye. He was so relaxed, content – not that that was anything unusual. He was, by nature, a very laid back kind of guy, the complete opposite of me with my affinity for rushing forward, terrified of falling behind… At times he could be unbearable, yet, I always found myself envying his ways.

“Sakuraaa, are you listening to me?”

“Eh?” I turned back to Naruto, blushing when I saw Kakashi glancing knowingly between Shikamaru and me.

“Sorry Naruto,” I laughed nervously, hoping with every fiber of my being that no one else noticed my staring. “I just zoned out for a minute. What’d you say?”

“I was asking if you’ve heard from Sasuke lately,” Naruto clarified matter-of-factly. At Sasuke’s name, my blush immediately drained to white. I looked down at my now-empty bowl.

“No, I haven’t.”

_Not that I ever expected to, really_

After all, Sasuke was hardly the type to inform anyone of anything, not even those of us who really cared about him. When it came to Sasuke, even that was asking too much.

“Why? Have you?” I added, looking up curiously.

Naruto grinned as if it wasn’t a sore subject. “Nope! Not a word. I just thought that you know, he’d at least keep in contact with you. Especially considering, well…you know…” He trailed off sheepishly. I tried to hide my grimace. It pained me to see that in his mind, he still saw Sasuke and me as a couple. Little did he know, my feelings for Sasuke were a thing of the past. Sasuke was no longer my future.

_No_ , I thought stoically. _He never was to begin with._

“Well, does it really surprise you?” I asked cheerfully, hoping to destroy the awkward tension that had started to build. “Sasuke will be Sasuke; that part of him will never change. To expect anything else would be stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Naruto granted, fidgeting with his spoon. “I’m sure the teme’s fine and will be back soon!”

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed, not having the heart to disagree. I quickly glanced at Shikamaru, surprised to see how stiff he had become. He stared at his empty bowl with a dark intensity I didn’t understand.

“Are you ready to go?” I asked him, not really wanting to talk about Sasuke any longer. His face shifted back into a blank canvas before he met my eyes and shrugged.

“Sure.”

“Great! Kakashi?”

“Ready when you are.”

“Perfect!” I turned to Naruto, giving him a brief hug. “ I’ll see you later, okay? Good luck with Lady Tsunade.”

“Pah!” he tsked with a cheesy thumbs up. “You know who you’re talking to, right? I’ve got this in the bag!”

Grinning at his antics one last time, we finally headed out. The trip back to my office was a quiet one, neither Kakashi nor Shikamaru saying a word. I’d like to say it was a comfortable silence, but with the stiff posture and black aura Shikamaru projected, it was anything but.

Once we got back to my office, I bolted to my desk, retrieving the blank chakra maps I had previously drawn up for the procedure. The paper was special, a product of my own invention. Not too long ago, I had created a compound that, when sprayed on my specially-developed paper, would not only register chakra waves but would also absorb the chakra, leaving physical imprints on the paper. While the effects were only temporary, they would last long enough for Shikamaru and me to trace out the markings in real ink. Accurately using chakra as a pen was very difficult, requiring very precise chakra control; according to Lady Tsunade, only she and I have been able to do it flawlessly.

“Right then,” nodded at both of them, chakra maps in hand, “I suppose we should get started.” I directed Kakashi to an armchair, kneeling before him as I handed Shikamaru the charts.

“This is going to be a bit difficult,” I admitted, handing him the ink and pens next. “In order to get this right, I’ll have to split my concentration between Kakashi’s chakra patterns and the actual chakra recreation. The chakra imprints on these charts will only last for as long as I’m connected, so you’ll need to trace over everything as accurately as possible.”

“Have you done this before?” Shikamaru inspected the papers, running his fingers along the surface before setting up his materials beside me.

“Sort of. I’ve practiced chakra readings and chakra drawings before, so I have a fairly good handle on them. I haven’t tried both at the same time, though. I’m going to have to take it slow to make sure it’s all accurate enough for us to use.”

“Alright, so then how do you wish to proceed?”

“I’m going to do a full examination of Kakashi first, then I’ll do a few practice runs on the chart while I’m still connected to him. Once you see a detailed consistency with the markings on there, let me know and we can start from the beginning again. By then you should be able to trace the markings with real ink.” I looked up towards Kakashi apologetically. “Sorry, but this is going to take a while. During this procedure, I’ll need you to sit as still as possible, so I suggest you get comfortable.”

“Simple enough,” he shrugged. “It’s a good thing you have such comfortable furniture.”

“One more thing: I’m going to need you to take off your shirt and remove your mask. You can still keep it over your mouth, but I need as much of your face exposed as possible. Direct skin-to-skin contact makes it a lot easier for me to do this.”

“What makes this any different?” Shikamaru asked offhandedly, watching as Kakashi began to undress. “I’ve seen you heal serious wounds countless times with fully-clothed patients, ”

“The difference is in the details,” I explained. “I don’t always need to know every single thing about a person’s body in order to heal them, but for this, I need to know _everything_. The smallest element can make the biggest difference in testing, so I’ll have to focus through direct touch. It’ll just make this whole process a lot easier for me.”

“I see…”

“Any other questions?” I teased. “Once I start, talking will not be prudent.”

Neither man said a word; I took that as my cue. Once Kakashi was seated comfortably, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and began.

I started at Kakashi’s feet, focusing my energy on finding his chakra pathways. It took a few minutes at first since the area was clothed and farthest from his core, but soon enough I was able to feel out the streams of energy with my own.

Slowly, I inched higher. Like I had expected, the chakra flow was average, with no alterations in speed, consistency, or power. I moved even higher, my hands tracing over his upper thighs, noting the chakra consistency was thickening. Still not unusual, as they would keep growing the closer I got to the source’s origin, located near the heart. As I reached Kakashi’s chest, my fingers sprawled along his abdomen. I lost all connection to the outside world, fully integrating my inner consciousness into Kakashi’s body.

Perhaps I should have felt distracted, being so close to a half-dressed man like this. Years of experience taught me to disconnect from such things. Kakashi’s body became a book under my fingertips. His rough skin, scarred by battle, was no different to me than leather bindings holding pages together. With my fingers as my eyes, I could read every detail: From the trillions of blood cells rushing through his veins to the steady beat of his heart; from the flexing of every muscle as they contracted and relaxed to the to the sparks of electricity weaving through every pore. These details were as clear to me as though they were written in ink. I took another breath, syncing mine with his until our bodies became completely in tune. As I reached his heart, the center of his energy, I placed my forehead on his chest, pushing a current of my own energy to flow directly into his, strengthening the connection to its peak.

Everything was as still as it should be, so I inched higher, over his shoulders, up his throat, my hands marking the path where my forehead followed. As my fingers brushed along the line of his jaw, I felt the stiffening of Kakashi’s muscles, the stretching of his tissue as his blood pressure and chakra spiked.

“You need to relax,” I whispered, stopping my movements, waiting for him to calm down.

I felt Kakashi nod with understanding, flexing his hands as he took a steadying breath. I could understand Kakashi’s nervousness; with the extreme amount of intimacy this procedure required, fear and discomfort was a common factor. Unfortunately, these were factors I couldn’t afford, as they would interfere with the results. These readings required my patients to be as relaxed as possible in order to get accurate data, a near-impossible feat if they didn’t trust me.

Once I felt his body slow back to its original rhythm, I started to move again, my hands drifting over his mouth, past his nose, climbing higher still. The moment my hands covered his eyes, it was like a blast of energy, not unlike an erupting volcano. I moved closer, pressing my forehead against his while threading my hands through his hair. It was absolutely breathtaking to feel the sheer amount of activity dancing beneath the skin. I pushed as much of my own chakra into his veins, merging them as tightly knit as possible so as to trace every path. There were so many of them! They flowed stronger, with more power than the rest of his body, burrowing into the neuron pathways of the brain, embedding themselves into the tissue. There was so much to see and feel; I tried in vain to absorb every detail, but there was simply too much. The deeper I dug, the more that unraveled. I took another moment to steady myself, fusing more of my chakra until I couldn’t give another drop of it. I needed this picture to be as clear as possible. It took a long time, but eventually, I felt confident enough in my tracings that I could attempt to map it out physically.

“I think I’m ready,” I called out to Shikamaru, sliding down to the center of Kakashi’s chest. I positioned my forehead directly over his chakra source, placing my left hand over his lower abdomen. I weaved my chakra into his, pushing it to follow all the channels from the lower half of his body. Once I was satisfied with the connection, I removed my hand from his chest, pushing more chakra through the other to make up for the lost connection.

“Okay,” I muttered, “I need you to place my hand on the chart’s blue markings. I’m only tracing out the lower regions first to make it easier, so once you see the patterns stabilize on the page, let me know. I’ll do my best to hold it as long as you need me to, so just tell me when you’re finished.”

“Got it.”

I felt Shikamaru directing my outstretched hand to the page, placing my fingers on the marked spot. Well, it was not or never. I split my attention as best I could, pushing my chakra into the page while simultaneously fusing it into Kakashi. My body started to tremble from the exertion, the pressure of keeping a balanced flow greater than I had anticipated. Tracing Kakashi’s information onto paper was almost as hard as finding the balance I needed when creating my 100 Healing Seal.

For the next few hours, the room was filled with nothing more than the scratching of the pen as Shikamaru traced my chakra’s markings on our chart and the straining of my voice as I relayed specific details such as flow speed and thickness. Once I finished with the lower half of Kakashi’s body, we moved to his chest, then his face, before finally, his brain. That part took considerably longer, as I could only focus on small regions of at a time. It was exhausting work, requiring a lot of chakra on my part, but slowly and surely, we got through it.

“Almost finished. Just hold it for a little longer, Sakura.” I barely even heard Shikamaru at this point. I could feel my body trembling from exertion, beads of sweat rolling down my face as I heaved shallowly.

“Done!”

I cut off the flow as soon as he spoke; ripping myself away from Kakashi so quickly I fell backward onto the ground. I opened my eyes to see the room spinning slightly, both Kakashi and Shikamaru looking at me worriedly.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Shikamaru asked, his hands hovering over me anxiously.

“I’m fine, I just need a sec,” I placed my hand on the side of my head, pushing the fingers into the flesh as I rotated them slowly. The pressure dissipated.

My vision cleared, the room halting to a stop. As I sat up, I wiped the sweat off my face, rolling my shoulders while flexing my legs to release the tension from kneeling so long.

“Here, drink some water.” Nodding my thanks, I took the bottle from Shikamaru, meaning only to have a few sips but ending up gulping down the entire thing.

“Thanks, I’m fine now, really. That was a lot harder than I expected it to be. So…how did it turn out?” Not waiting for a response, I picked up the various charts I had given Shikamaru.

“These are amazing!” The penmanship was neat and precise, with all the details I had verbalized to him labeled appropriately. I took a closer look at the brain diagrams, inspecting every hemisphere to make sure everything was as I remembered it. When I found no flaws, I wrapped my arms around Shikamaru with a squeal of excitement.

“Shikamaru, these are perfect! Thank you!” Before he could respond, I lunged at Kakashi next, giving him just as big of an embrace. “And thank you for allowing me to do that. You did great!”

Kakashi was quicker to react than Shikamaru, hugging me back, his form shaking with laughter. “Glad I could help.”

“Sakura, are you really alright? You look a bit pale.”

“I’m fine,” I reassured them, smiling as if to prove my point. “Just a little tired. A small rest will have me back to normal and ready to continue.”

“Continue?” Shikamaru cried, his normal monotone rising in pitch. “We just finished!”

“We finished working on Kakashi, now I have to work on you.”

“Me?”

“Well, yes. When I asked earlier, you said it was alright... if you’ve changed your mind, I guess I can find someone else…” I trailed off hesitantly. It was a strange feeling, being both relieved and disappointed at the same time. On one hand, the idea of being so close to Shikamaru was exciting, but it also scared me. It was a selfish motive, I know. I felt guilty exploiting the situation because no matter how hard I tried, I knew I wouldn’t be able to disconnect with him as I did Kakashi. Even so…even so, to have that one moment of intimacy, no matter how professional it was meant to be, it was still _something_. Maybe, just maybe it would stir up some hidden feelings he might have—

“No!” Shikamaru abruptly disagreed before coughing and looking away. “I mean, I already agreed to it, so you don’t have to find someone else. Your methods are just…not what I was expecting.” I couldn’t tell if I was just seeing things or not, but I swore that, for a moment, it looked like he was blushing.

“Well, it certainly was an interesting experience for me,” Kakashi interjected. I looked over to face him; glad to see he had already put his clothes back on.

“Although I have to admit, the proximity of it all was rather surprising. Not that I minded. That floral scent of yours mixed with the feeling of your chakra…all in all, a very enjoyable experience indeed.” Kakashi winked cheekily, laughing when my face turned bright red.

“It can’t be helped!” I stuttered loudly. I turned away from him in a dizzy huff, far too quickly as I bumped into the table, resulting in my dropping all the charts onto the floor. Both Shikamaru and Kakashi burst into laughter.

_Smooth,_ my inner chucked. _Real smooth_.

I leaned down to pick everything back up; wishing a hole would just open up and swallow me whole already…

“Sakura – _Sakura_ , I’m only teasing,” Kakashi wheezed, still bent over with laughter. I grumpily raised my eyebrow at both of them, waiting for them to calm down. After a second, they straightened, wiping the tears from their eyes.

“Sorry,” they both apologized in unison; though one look at their cheeky grins had me unconvinced.

“Is there anything else you need from me today?” Kakashi finished, resuming his serious stance, albeit with an extra twinkle.

“No,” I shook my head, still flustered. “But I’ll need you again when we test out the Sharingan.”

“No problem. You know where to find me.” Kakashi grabbed his things, giving me one last wink and a nudge towards Shikamaru before walking out, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

I awkwardly faced Shikamaru as I placed our paperwork onto my desk. I tried to calm myself, If only I could keep my fingers from threading together and twisting apart with anxiety. “So…I guess we’d better get started.”

“Right now?” he asked stiffly, all humor was gone from his tone. “I mean, shouldn’t you rest more?”

I shrugged indifferently. “I feel fine, no need to wait. Anyway, it would be easier for me to do it now while everything is still fresh in my head.”

“Right…”

“I’m sorry,” It was obvious how uncomfortable this was making him. I tried to push away the stupid, hurt feelings his reaction caused in me. “I know the procedure is a little personal. If you don’t feel comfortable with me being so close, I can get someone else. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with—”

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable,” Shikamaru disagreed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “I just…don't want you to overexert yourself. Besides, if you’re tracing me, who’s going to mark the charts?”

“If I apply a generous amount of my compound to the paper, I can do both for now. I’ll just have to do it in small doses. I wasn’t planning on doing any tracings today anyway if that’s what you’re worried about, just a basic read.” I hesitated a moment, but seeing he still looked apprehensive, added, “I can always ask Lady Tsunade to do the procedure instead of me. If that helps…”

Shikamaru shook his head before I could finish, having come to his decision.

“No, it’s fine. If you say you’re okay to continue, then I am too.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Do you need me to remove my shirt as well?” _Kami._

“I-if you don’t mind…it would make things easier.” I needed to calm down.

_This is no different than with Kakashi._

_It’s just skin. Nothing more, just skin…_

Shikamaru began to unzip his vest, revealing the netted mesh shirt underneath. He slowly peeled that off too, dropping it to the floor.

“I don’t mind in the least,” Shikamaru said, looking me straight in the eye. I couldn’t look away, couldn’t peel my eyes from him as he calmly began walking towards me, all signs of his earlier awkwardness replaced with confidence. He grabbed my now-trembling hand in his, bringing it to rest on his bare chest.

“After all. It’s only skin.”

 

Lord help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews give me life.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump._

 

With a fluttering stutter, my heart leaped into my throat. The heat from his skin caused my already-warm hands to tingle as they were placed over his heart. His skin was smooth, yet rough like silk stretched over steel. The scars of past pains dusted his body like artfully-placed brush strokes. Shikamaru may not have been heavily built, but he was by no means frail either. Every flex of muscle was taut and sharp, displaying the hours of work he put into his training each day. He smoldered. Swirling clouds of black onyx burned into mine with flames of pure white heat.  

“Your face is red. Everything all right?” Shikamaru’s voice held liquid fire, fanning the flames that were furiously sparking inside me.

“Y-Yes.”

My lids fluttered, drawn to the curve of his lips. My hands twitched under his hold, my fingers aching to run up the side of his neck, past his cheek, past those swirls of fire and twist into his hair. I needed—

I pulled away, taking a good step back to create some distance. Not trusting myself to behave.

“Yes,” I said, firmly this time. “Shall we get started?”

With a graceful twist of his wrist, Shikamaru swept his arm to point in the direction of the chair, a slight bend at his waist. “After you.”

“You’re the one who has to sit down if I’m going to begin, so after _you_.”

“A you wish,” he chuckled. Straitening, he strolled to the armchair, the muscles on his back and arms flexing ever so slightly as he moved to sit; bringing his eyes back to mine, he raised his eyebrow in a silent, _your move_ , declaration. I smirked at his antics. Two could play at that game. Slowly, deliberately, I sauntered towards him, my hips rocking from side to side, causing the white flap of my skirt to swirl. When I leaned down to kneel before him as I had with Kakashi, however, he stopped me; yanking me forward, he pulled me onto his lap. I was so caught off guard by his force, I smacked into his chest with a yelp.

“What the hell was that for?” I squeaked over his booming laughter.

“Ah man, if only you could see your face right now!”

“Shikamaru! Let go!” I tried to pull away, but he held me in place, hauling me further onto his lap until I straddled his waist. My breath hitched at the sudden intimate position.

“Shikamaru, what are you—”

“It can’t be very comfortable on the floor,” he interrupted, that stupid smirk stretched across his face like a Cheshire grin. “You can just sit here.”

“ _On top of you_?” I asked in disbelief, trying again to get up, only to have his hands placed gently atop my own, threading our fingers together. I froze.

“Yes.”

“This is hardly professional,” I whispered. I was losing the will to fight. Losing the will to resist. I could just lean forward. He was so close. Surely, if I just, _NO._ I shouldn’t be allowing this; this was far, _far_ too compromising!

_Oh, stop complaining already_ , my inner voice purred. _You know you like it_.

_Shut up, shut up, shut up_! I hissed back. _That’s beside the point. This is wrong! How am I supposed to stay professional like this?_

_Easy,_ it laughed back. _You don’t._

“Sakura?” Shikamaru’s worried tone startled me back into reality. His previous playfulness was now replaced with concern.

“If this really makes you that uncomfortable, you don’t have to sit here. I just thought you’d be more comfortable this way. Sorry if I took it too far.”

“No, no,” I stuttered guiltily. “It’s just…it’s not very professional like this…”

“Did you forget I was here when you pretty much felt up Kakashi for four hours?” Shikamaru carelessly chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood. “I wouldn’t exactly call any of that _professional_.”

I laughed with him, lightly punching him on the shoulder. “I’m being serious here.”

“So am I.”

“Shika—”

“Look, professionalism aside,” he interrupted, leaning back into the chair “is this easier than kneeling?”

“Well…yes,” I answered truthfully.

“And will the added contact of you sitting here make this process less strenuous on you?”

“That’s beside the—”

“Yes or no?”

“Fine, yes!” I grumbled back in defeat.

“Good,” he winked. “Now that that’s settled, you can get started. The sooner we do this, the sooner I get to go home.”

“Jerk,” I hissed under my breath, though I couldn’t contain my smile.

Accepting that I was stuck here, I tried to center myself, slow my breathing, and finding my balance. Once I accomplished just that, I placed my hands on Shikamaru’s chest, lowering my head to rest on his collarbone and closed my eyes. I forced myself to focus solely on his chakra pathways like I was supposed to. With great effort, I was finally able to connect with them, fusing my chakra with his.

He flinched as soon as I started the merging. His hands roughly grabbed my hips, squeezing, a soft hiss escaping him. I lifted my head; only to see him biting his lip, eyes screwed shut.

“Are you okay?” had I done something wrong?

“Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting it to feel so…intense,” he whispered. “I mean, I know healing chakra warms the body, but this…this is something different.”

“Sorry,” I laughed softly. “It can’t be helped. Are you okay with me continuing or do you want me to stop?”

“I’m fine. Just took me by surprise.”

I waited for him to relax his grip on my hips before I started again, lowering my head back to his neck, reconnecting to his chakra flow. It was easier this time, as I hadn’t yet severed the link, it took only a minute before I was ready to start merging our chakra’s again. I ignored his second flinch, as he relaxed himself seconds later, instead concentrated with following his energy. Just like with Kakashi, the more I fused, the deeper I connected with Shikamaru’s body until I could eventually feel everything. His heart was beating quickly, his blood rushing through his veins. His muscles were tense, causing his chakra to increase in power.

“Your heart is beating very fast.”

“Yeah, well, your hands and chakra are all over me,” he shot back nervously. “What did you expect?”

“Kakashi didn’t seem to have a problem with it,” I countered, amused. It was nice seeing _him_ embarrassed for once.  

“Kakashi also didn’t have you sitting on his lap.”

“I can always move,” I offered.

“I’d rather you just stop talking.”

“You know, I’m in the perfect position to cause you some serious damage if I feel like it,” I threatened playfully.

“You could do that,” Shikamaru agreed, “but then that wouldn’t be very _professional_ of you, would it?”

“Touché,” I chuckled. “But seriously, you have to relax. The tension in your body is changing your chakra patterns.”

“Sorry.”

Admittedly, I couldn’t help being secretly pleased, even though it tampered with the results. His reaction to our closeness gave me hope. It had to mean something positive, right?

I quickly banished those thoughts from my head. Now was not the time to think such things. I had work to do.

Once Shikamaru had fully calmed, his heart rate steadied to a calmer pace, I continued with my exploration. I sent my chakra downwards, past his waist, into his legs and feet. The currents rushing through my senses as I searched for any deviations in comparison to Kakashi’s readings. When I found none, I moved higher, my hands slowly tracing upwards along his well-toned chest and against his shoulder blades. I admit I lingered longer than necessary. Moving at a slower speed than required, my fingers inched up along his throat. I smiled when I felt him swallow beneath my fingertips with another shuddered breath. I lifted my head from his shoulders, tracing up his neck as I moved my forehead to rest against his. My hands caressed the spaces around his eyes, moving briefly to flutter against his hairline.

I immediately noticed the difference. Unlike Kakashi, Shikamaru’s chakra passageways weren’t nearly as thick along his frontal lobe, instead remained average in size with minimal assimilation with the neuron connectors. The connecting neuron receptors were also normal, though there were far more than I had ever seen before. Shikamaru’s intelligence required many more neuron pathways than the average brain, so while I was hardly surprised, it nevertheless took my breath away.

I continued to search, observing how much thinner the chakra streams were in comparison to Kakashi’s, showing just how much the Sharingan altered brain activity. Once I had scrutinized every crevice, I began to slowly withdraw my chakra until our connection was completely severed. I pulled my hands away from his face, letting my fingers slip back down his neck until they rested on his chest. I could feel the steady beating of his heart as it pounded against my fingertips.

I pulled back, opening my eyes, but froze mid-movement. Shikamaru’s eyes were no longer shut; instead, they gazed right back into mine. I swallowed thickly as he removed a hand from my waist, softly brushed his fingers against my face, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

“So, is that it?”

“For now,” I agreed, leaning into his touch. He smiled softly, a tender sweet lift of the lips that I rarely ever saw. He kept his hand lingering on my cheek, gently stroking his thumb along my flesh.

The atmosphere was so light, so tender – I could do it now. Just say it. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him, but the words weren’t there. Shikamaru watched patiently as I tried to find my voice… I just couldn’t do it though. So, rather than tell him the things I truly wished to confess, I pulled away like a child.

I was so ashamed. How could I possibly call myself a shinobi if I couldn’t even say three simple words?

I removed myself from Shikamaru’s lap, watching as his tender smile dissolved into his usual poker face. Guilt swept through me at the slight tightness around his face.

“It’s late,” I told him. “You should head home.”

“What about you?”

“I need to write a report based on my findings. There’s no need for you to stay behind for that.”

“Are you sure? It would be faster if we worked together.”

“I’m sure, really.”

_Please just leave._

I wanted to cry, cry from the shame of being too weak, too scared to face the possibility of another rejection. Shikamaru still looked unsure, so I gave him the brightest smile I could manage before hugging him.

“Really, you’ve done more than enough for one day. Thank you.” I relished in the sensation of his arms wrapped around me for that brief second.

“Anytime,” he replied, letting me go to retrieve his discarded clothes. He slipped back into his mesh shirt, zipped up his vest all while avoiding looking back at me. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning then?”

“I’ll be here at nine.”

“Sure. Goodnight.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, traipsing out the door with a last nod of farewell.

“Goodnight,” I muttered, sinking to the ground.

_Idiot,_ my inner voice sneered. _You could have told him. The situation was pretty much gift-wrapped for you, and you still blew it. Pathetic._

I couldn’t disagree. I _was_ pathetic. I should have just told him. After all, what was the worst that could have happened?

_He could have said no_ , I thought bitterly. _I could have lost my best friend_.

I buried my head into my knees, wrapping my arms around myself.

This situation was all too familiar. After all, how many times had I confessed to Sasuke, only to have him turn me down? With every attempt I made, he threw it back at me with disdain. And there I was, always running back to him regardless of the damage it caused. My heart was too scarred now to take much more. It was one more toss away from being truly lost.

_Shikamaru isn’t Sasuke,_ my inner tried to reason with me.

No, Shikamaru was nothing like Sasuke. Shikamaru was tender and compassionate. He was considerate of others before himself. He was rational and didn’t allow foolish, dark desires to cloud his judgment.

Shikamaru was, and always would be, the exact opposite of _him_.

Which was why it would hurt all the more if I lost him over something as stupid as this. I had come to expect it from Sasuke, learned to live with it, even. But with _him_ …to lose what we had would _destroy me_. I couldn’t risk that.  

_He could say yes,_ my inner tried to plead with me. While that was true, the fact still remained that he could also say no…and no was the word I feared most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews give me strength! thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR THANKS TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! 
> 
> really, your words warm my heart. Thank you so much :'D 
> 
> Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

 

It was one in the morning by the time I left my office.

I was ridiculously drained… both physically _and_ emotionally. I thought about pulling a cot from the supply closet but decided against it. It was embarrassing how long it took to complete my reports. Usually, the process only took me an hour or two. My mind had been so muddled with thoughts of that evening; it took ages for me to get them done properly. What’s worse, even after all that time, I was still no closer to figuring out what I should do.

As I exited the hospital, the full force of the night air hit me. It was chill, crisp; the full moon’s glow dusted the village with a haze of white light. The streets were empty, as to be expected considering the hour, or at least I _thought_ they were empty. As I continued to walk towards my apartment, I noticed a lone figure standing in the middle of the road. I reflexively reached behind my back to grasp a kunai, but relaxed my grip once I saw who it was.

“Late night out?” I asked, walking past him.

“You’re one to talk,” Kakashi replied, walking beside me. “How did things go with Shikamaru?”

“Fine. I checked his chakra passageways for irregularities, comparing them to yours.” I had to stifle a yawn.

“How did that go?”

“Most of it seems to be the same. I found massive differentiations when looking at his brain chemistry. We’ll be doing another scanning exercise tomorrow so I can get a better idea of what’s going on.”

“How thorough of you,” he remarked offhandedly. “Any reason you didn’t do the mapping today?”

“The process would’ve taken hours,” I bit back defensively, hoping for this conversation to end so I could go home. “I didn’t want to keep him too late.” I glanced over at him suspiciously. This was no casual small talk. He was fishing for something. I had a sinking feeling in my gut of what that was.

“Anything else happen?”

I glowered.

“Nope.”

“I ran into him on his way out.”

“So?” It was starting to make me nervous how he sounded so sure of himself, like he knew something I didn’t. I didn’t like it one bit.

“He seemed very tense…flustered, even,” Kakashi continued, watching me just as closely as I watched him, both of us assessing the other’s reactions while pretending otherwise.

“I did a chakra scan,” I said coolly, “which, as you know, can feel very personal. It’s not surprising he’d be tense after his first one.” I tried to suppress the memory of me straddling his waist. Personal indeed.

“ _Was_ it personal?” Kakashi asked, as if reading my mind.

“I was completely professional if that’s what you’re asking.” _Liar._

“Really?” Swiftly, Kakashi slid to face me head-on, forcing me to stop. He bowed forward until we were level with each other, a clear challenge. Well, shit.

            “I don’t believe you.”

            “I don’t care,” I shot back, wincing at how incriminating that sounded; from the look Kakashi gave me, he didn’t fail to notice it either.

“From what I can see,” he continued, taking a step closer so our noses nearly touched, “you seem to care quite a bit, where Shikamaru is concerned.”

Double shit.

“Maybe you need to get your eyes checked.” I tried to move away from him; with every step I took, he matched me in perfect synch. Not good.

“Sakura—”

“I need to get home.” I jumped past him suddenly, finally breaking past his guard. I picked up my pace. “It’s late, I—”

“What about Sasuke?”

I stopped dead in my tracks, my hands clenching into fists. A cold chill went up my spine.

“What about Sasuke?” I retorted stiffly, not turning around to show the grief darkening my face. _Breathe. Just breathe_.

“It was my understanding that you promised to wait for him.”

I don’t know what it was about that sentence. Maybe it was the stress and exhaustion of my situation with Shikamaru, or maybe it was the tone Kakashi was using, implying I had done something wrong. Or maybe it was just years and years of hurt and frustration building up inside me. But like an elastic band stretched too far, I snapped. Whirling around, I stomped toward Kakashi until I was standing right in front of him, fists balled at my side.

“I _have_ waited,” I spat. My voice cut like a blade through water. I felt my eyes begin to mist over, a reflex to my rage. The unwanted tears gathered along the corners. I allowed them to remain there, hovering over the brink like a jumper contemplating the fall.

“For my _entire life,_ I have waited for him,” I continued slowly, though my voice cracked unabashedly. “When we were teammates, I waited for him to trust me; instead, he called me a nuisance. When he abandoned the village, I begged him to stay, even to take me with him. Only I wasn’t good enough for him.” My voice dipped into icy territory as I continued, the tears no longer teetering at the edges as I pushed them away. My body shook, my nails digging into my palms like knives.

“For three years I waited, hoping he would come back; he _didn’t_. I used to think about all the people he killed, all the terrible things he’d done…but even then _I still waited_ for him to come back.”

“Sakura, please—” Kakashi tried to calm me down. Frantic, as he watched me unravel. I couldn’t stop. It was like a dam had broken, and all the feelings I had been holding back rushed forth, fueled by a momentum that had been building over an entire lifetime.

“NO!” I snapped, backing away from him, my voice rising in momentum until I was fully yelling at him. “I have spent my _entire life_ waiting for Sasuke to trust me. I have given him everything I have. He doesn’t want me. How much longer do you think it’ll take for him to care? How many more days, months, _years_ will I have to wait before he finally opens up to me?” I paused, waiting for Kakashi to answer; as I expected, he had no words to offer me. My eyes drooped, shoulders slumping.

“I’m _tired_ …I’m so tired of wasting my life, waiting for someone that doesn’t even want me. I _loved_ Sasuke,” I swore to him, my voice breaking. I wrapped my arms around myself as if I could physically hold together the pieces I could feel breaking away.

“I loved Sasuke with all my heart. I would have died for him, followed him anywhere. I would have left everything behind to be with him. Twice I have been left behind. Twice I have watched him as he turned his back on us. I need to stop living in a fantasy and wake up to the reality that _Sasuke will never love me_.”

“You don’t know that,” Kakashi tried to reason.

“Don’t I?” I laughed bitterly. “Because from where I’m standing, it seems pretty obvious that I’ve been nothing but delusional.”

“He said he would come back for you. Don’t you remember?”

“I was eighteen when he said that. It’s been three years. Face it, he’s not coming back.”

“Sakura—”

“Fine!” I blurted, throwing my hands into the air. “Let’s say you’re right. Let’s say Sasuke returns, while we’re at it, let’s say he falls madly in love with me. Tell me, what happens then? Can you guarantee we would even be happy? That he’d never leave me again?”

The tightening around Kakashi’s eyes was answer enough. No, he couldn’t guarantee any of that, we both knew it.

“That’s what I thought.” The anger within me dulled with my voice, the fury I previously felt evaporating into a hollow pit. I was suddenly ashamed at my outburst. After all, it wasn’t Kakashi’s fault I had wasted so much of my heart on someone like Sasuke. If I was in his shoes, I’d be suspicious too, considering how stupidly I had devoted my life to a mere fantasy.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi apologized, taking me by surprise. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’re right, you have waited far longer than anyone ever expected…which is why it came as such a shock for me to see it change.”

“It came as a shock to me too,” I agreed quietly.

“Why Shikamaru?”

“What makes you think Shikamaru has anything to do with it?” I pointlessly argued, no longer even caring that he knew.

“You look at him with the same adoration I once saw you give Sasuke...although perhaps, this time, it’s even stronger. I’d have to be blind not to see it. So why him?”

“Why?” I mused. “Because he’s everything Sasuke isn’t. Shikamaru is kind and caring to those he values. He’s intelligent, knows how to enjoy life. He doesn’t care about status, doesn’t let negativity change him. He knows who he is. He treats me like an equal, and I know if I ever need him, he’ll be there no matter how ‘troublesome’ it is. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like I matter, like I’m important rather than just some weak screw up that holds everyone back.” I smiled softly, casting my eyes away from Kakashi as I pictured Shikamaru’s warmth near me.

“When I was at my lowest…when Sasuke left on his search for redemption, it was Shikamaru that stood by me. He can be lazy, annoying, utterly insufferable, yet…” I blushed, getting carried away with myself. “I don’t fully understand what it is about Shikamaru that makes me feel like I do. All I know is that I love him, and that I can’t bear to lose him like everyone else.”

“…Have you told him this?”

“No,” I answered quietly.

“You should.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“Heh, well…I think the odds are in your favor.”

“What if—”

“ _Sakura_ ,” Kakashi interrupted, reaching out to turn my face towards him. “What are you afraid of?”

“Losing him,” I answered honestly.

“If you were to lose him over something like this, then he’s not worth your time.”

“I just don’t know if I can take another heartbreak,” I replied dejectedly.

“Believe me when I say you’re the strongest and scariest woman I have had the pleasure of training. You have accomplished some amazing things over the years despite the dangers you’ve faced. Are you really going to let fear stop you from finding happiness?”

I couldn’t help but smile at his words. “I’m the _only_ female you’ve trained over the years,” I reminded him.

“Thank the heavens for that. I don’t think I could handle another of you.”

We both laughed at that, the tension finally evaporating. “You always know what to say to cheer me up,” I told him gratefully.

“All a part of being a mentor.”

“Thanks…look, I’m sorry for blowing up like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he shrugged nonchalantly, as if none of this drama even happened. “Sometimes I forget how much everything’s affected you and Naruto. I’m glad we could have this talk. If you ever need to confide in anyone about this, I’m happy to lend you my ears. It’s not healthy to let all these feelings stay bottled up inside for too long.”

“Thank you,” I said again, hugging him thankfully. He patted my head, only making me smile more.

“I must be off now. It’s rather late.”

“Of course,” I agreed, releasing him. “Good night, Kakashi.”

“Good night, Sakura.”

With that, he was gone, disappearing in the blink of an eye into the surrounding darkness.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx           

 

 

I pulled the covers tighter around myself, burying my head into my pillow. I was having the most wonderful dream...

Shikamaru and I were lying in the forest alone, cloud-gazing. We weren’t talking, just enjoying the silence around us. Without warning, Shikamaru was above me, gazing at me with such love and tenderness. He slowly began to trace the lines of my face with his fingertips, moving closer until our lips were mere inches apart. Then—

“Sakura, I’m warning you. You can either get up on your own, or I’m dragging you out by force in the next three seconds.”

I furrowed my brow, the sweet picture shattering in my mind. That’s not something Shikamaru would say…?

“One.”

My eyes snapped open. An icy chill ran down my spine. I hadn’t just dreamt his voice saying my name after all – he was _in my room_.

“Two.”

And I was naked.

“Three!”

He yanked at my covers to pull them right as I shot up to wrench them back. I wasn’t fast enough. Before I was able to fasten the comforter around myself, Shikamaru had managed to pull a small section just past my cleavage, effectively giving him a brief peek at my bare chest.

“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, completely mortified. I had been so tired the night before, I had foregone my usual nightgown; clearly, I wasn’t expecting such a violating wake-up call.

Shikamaru dropped the corner he was holding, stumbling backward, mouth agape.

“Ahh…are you... _shit_.” His face paled before flushing a bright red as it all registered in his brain.

“I SAID _GET OUT_. NOW!”

He didn’t need to be told again as he booked it faster than a ramen-craving Naruto.

Oh my god… _oh my god_. OH. MY. GOD.

I grabbed a pillow and slammed my face into it, releasing an animalistic screech.

Fuck.

 

Fuck, fuck, _fuuuuuuuck._

 

 

“Welp.” I moaned, tossing the pillow across the room. “That just happened.”

I reflexively glanced at my clock; shocked to see it read 11:05 am. I was supposed to be up four hours ago. After my talk with Kakashi, I must have forgotten to reset my alarm for 7 am, and because of how late I had stayed up, I accidentally slept in, missing my meet-up with Shikamaru at nine.

_Which is why he’s here now_.

“Sakura…?” Shikamaru hesitantly spoke from outside the door. “You okay?”

“Fine!” I yelled back, scrambling out of bed. Grabbing my uniform, I began to change, struggling to pull my top over my head. “Just give me a second!”

_Okay, calm down,_ I told myself, smoothing down my hair _. It’s not the end of the world. So he saw a_ little _skin – you’re an adult, you can handle this. It’s no different than when he saw you in your nightgown – okay, it’s a_ lot _different._

I shook myself out, securing my gloves in place, but as I reached for the handle, I froze, unable to turn the knob. My head fell to rest against the frame with a light thud.

I took a moment to steel myself; then, with as much dignity as I could muster, I turned the knob, exiting my room. Shikamaru was pacing my hallway, hands running through his hair as he muttered to himself. At the sound of my entrance, he spun, his face flushing.

“Look,” he began in a rush, “I had no idea you were…well…um…”

“Unclothed?” I finished for him, my cheeks burning just as warmly as his.

“Yeah…I just…I mean…God, Sakura, I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” He clasped his hands together fervently. I blamed it on my nerves really, but when I saw him standing there, looking as embarrassed and terrified as I felt, something just bubbled up within me and I keeled over laughing. Moisture stung my eyes.

“What’s so funny?” he stuttered.

“I don’t know,” I continued, almost choking on my breath, “I just…I can’t help myself.”

“Women…”

“s-sorry…just” I held up a finger, taking a moment to calm myself down.

“You alright?” Shikamaru asked again after I had fallen silent.

“Yah” I nodded, wiping my eyes. “Can we just agree never to talk about this again?”

“I think I can manage that.”

“Thank you.”

“So. Um,” Shikamaru struggled to find his words. My heart softened a little.

“Should we head to the office?” I offered, taking pity on him

“Right. The office. Yah. Wait!” turning around, Shikamaru disappeared from the hallway, moving toward my kitchen. Before I could ask him what he was doing, he returned.

“Here.” I blinked, my hands reflexively catching the brown paper bag he tossed at me.

“What’s this?”

“Well, after you stood me up, I stopped at that bakery you always talk about and picked up breakfast.”

I peered inside and grinned.

“Umeboshi!” I gleefully tore open the container of pickled plums, taking a quick bite. “Shikamaru, you sure know how to make a girl happy.”

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched me devour my breakfast.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” With great satisfaction, I sucked the sweetness from my fingers.

“Sorry about not showing up earlier.” I continued, leading us to the door. “I forgot to set my alarm.”

“So you slept till noon?”

“Come off it, I didn’t get home till late.”

“You should’ve let me help you with those reports,” he complained, waiting for me to lock up.

“It’s not that,” I protested. “I just ran into Kakashi on my way home.” He didn’t look like he believed me.

“Yeah, I’m staying until the reports are done from now on.” I chose not to argue with him this time.

 

 

Once we entered my office, Shikamaru wasted no time in stripping off his vest and shirt in one fluid movement.

“Are you sure you can do everything on your own?” he asked as I began gathering my materials.

“It’ll be a lot slower this time, but I can do it. You ready?”

“One sec,” he mumbled.

I nearly dropped my materials as he raised his arms above his head, rolling his shoulders as he stretched them, muscles flexing. My mouth ran dry. I followed his movements as he twisted his torso with hooded lids. He rolled his neck with an audible click.

“Right.” He said, settling in his usual armchair. “Ready when you are,”

I didn’t move.

“Something wrong?” He drawled, looking bored. Too bored. I narrowed my eyes.

“No,” I answered curtly. “Just thinking that since I detected nothing significant about your chakra below the waist, I might just skip doing that region entirely to save time.”

His brow twitched.

“Makes no difference to me,” he leaned back, cocking his head to the side with cool indifference. “The sooner you finish, the sooner I can put my clothes back on.”

“Embarrassed, Shikamaru?” I snickered, arranging my materials close by before straddling his waist. His hands flew to the exposed section of my uniform. I barely avoided responding to the warmth of his hands soaking into my skin.

“Not at all,” he murmured, his aura that of a black hole, drawing me into his gravity. “Just trying to be considerate, considering your… _sensitivity_ with bare chests this morning.”

_Bastard!_

Slowly, with a languid movement, I dragged my hands up his chest to rest around his neck, locking them around him. I brought my face close enough that our noses were just a breath apart.

“I thought we agreed to never mention that again,” I whispered back with sickly sweetness, softly brushing the back of his neck with my fingertips.

“I agreed to never tell anyone. I never said I’d forget about it.”

His eyes darkened further as he trailed his hands up my sides, his thumbs drawing invisible patterns as they went. My breath hitched, nails digging into the back of his neck. He smirked victoriously and dropped his hands, pulling back and effectively breaking the spell we had fallen under. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I complied, unlocking my hands from around him.

I thought he was going to kiss me. I thought – Of course that wasn’t going to happen, I chided myself. It was just a game. Nothing more.  

“I’m starting now,” I told him, hiding just how disappointed I was that he’d pulled away. He nodded, relaxing in the chair.

For the next six hours, I sent charges of chakra flowing into his body, simultaneously tracing the patterns onto my chart until everything was finished. Unlike last time, I didn’t linger on his body, instead, I moved away from him as soon as the process was done. We wasted no time filling out the reports for Shikamaru’s mapping, spending another few hours detailing and organizing. We poured over Shikamaru, Kakashi and Sasuke’s charts in loose detail.

The entire time, we stayed completely professional.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, please review! 
> 
> Cheers
> 
> (next chapter ya'll are in for a treat ;) )


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is stressed and Ino has had enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? anyone still here? 
> 
> yah. It's been a while. sorry. life got chaotic. I moved, got another job, facing writer's block, and a bunch of other things that just had me spiraling into a chaotic explosion of OMG just stop already. 
> 
> But I have been meaning to post this so here we are! Originally this was supposed to be longer, but considering what is going to happen in the next part, I decided to break it up into two chapters.
> 
> I really hope you guys like it! 
> 
> Ps note. chapter 8 won't be up till probably September as I am traveling constantly between Canada and the states during the next two months and will have no time to write.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” I complained, falling backward onto my bed.

It had been three weeks since Shikamaru and I started working together. About a week into our progress, Lady Tsunade convinced the elders to give us full access to the Uchiha archives, since then, Shikamaru and I have been little worker bees, jumping on any information we could find about the Sharingan. After almost a month of hard work, we finally finished compiling our theories. We had even started to prepare to test them.  

“Why don’t you just save yourself the trouble and jump him already?” Ino laughed, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

“Seriously, Sakura, do you not see the way that man looks at you? He’s practically begging you to do it with that smolder of his.”

“You’re just saying that,” I mumbled, hugging my pillow to my chest. “Shikamaru only sees me as a friend.”

Doubt crept into my voice, however, as I remembered the way his eyes darkened as they traveled along my body or the way he’d grab my hips to pull me closer. I suppressed the need to shiver.

Still, it could have just been a boyish, hormonal reaction. He probably would have responded the same with any half-naked woman standing in front of him. As for that scan, infusing chakra was known for stirring up very…stimulating feelings. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he was affected the way he was. It probably didn’t mean a thing…  

“You’re joking, right? You can’t be that blind.” Ino ripped the pillow away from me and smacked me in the head with it. Hard. “Every time I see you two together, I feel like I’m watching a fucking porno…without the hot sex, mind you. He looks at you like he’s about to rip your clothes off and devour you in the street! You’re no better, with your doe-eyed, wanton fuck-me eyes. Why don’t you do everyone a favor and kiss him already so the rest of the village doesn’t have to see that crap?”

“INO!” I screeched. “I do not look at him like that!”

“Oh, yes you do. Even Sai has started to notice.”

“YOU TOLD SAI?” I yanked my pillow back and smacked her in the face just as hard, sending her falling off my bed in surprise.

“Like hell I did!” She shouted back, getting up from the floor. “You guys are so obvious, he figured it out on his own. In fact, if it weren’t for me, he would have already blurted it out weeks ago, so you’re welcome. Now give me that pillow!”

“Oh god,” I breathed; putting up no resistance as Ino seized the pillow back. If Sai had figured it out… “Do you think Naruto knows?” I asked, freezing at the thought.

Ino just looked at me for a second before bursting out into laughter.

“Please, if that dolt had figured it out, do you really think he’d keep quiet about it? When he knows, you’ll know. Hell, the whole village will know.”

I sighed in relief. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m also right about Shikamaru.”

“Well, if you’re so ‘right about Shikamaru,’ then why hasn’t he asked me out?” I challenged her. “He’s had plenty of opportunities.”

“For the same reason you haven’t asked him,” she shot back. I groaned into my hands. There was a pause before I heard her let out a long sigh in frustration. The bed dipped as she sat beside me, pulling me toward her so I rested my head on her shoulder.

“I get it, okay? You’re scared. That’s understandable, considering your experiences with Sasuke. But you can’t keep letting the past affect your future like this. They’re not the same person.”

“I know that,” I whispered.

“Then stop treating him like he is.”

“I’m not—” Before I could finish, the words caught in my throat. She was right. I had been treating Shikamaru with the same fear I would Sasuke. How much more pathetic could I get? The tension in my shoulders deflated.

“I just…don't know what to do. Every time I try to tell him, something gets in the way.”

“The only thing getting in your way is you.”

“Whatever…” I mumbled, turning away. I hated when Ino got serious. It made it so much harder to ignore her.

“Can I ask you something?” she whispered uncertainly, her unusual shyness catching me off guard.

“What?”

“What was the moment you realized you loved him?” Surprised, I cocked my head as I studied her face, noticing how thoughtful and vulnerable she looked. It was an unusual combo I didn’t see often from her.

“I’m not sure,” I told her truthfully. I tried to think back to the exact moment I realized my feelings.

“A little over a year ago, I guess. I’d just finished a complex surgery that had gone completely wrong…” I trailed off, the memory of that day becoming more clear. The boy, Hiro...he was just a genin fresh out of the academy, eager to prove his worth. Out of impatience, he attempted a highly advanced and dangerous jutsu, causing him to get hurt. Badly.

“The tissue along his arms and torso was devastated. I tried to re-grow the cells but his body was rejecting the treatment.” I tried to push back the lump in my throat. He was so young. He had the whole world ahead of him. Or at least, he was supposed to.

“Sakura...”

“I lost him,” I told her, taking a shuttering breath. “The damage infected his cells in a way I couldn’t repair. He died on my table.” I shut my eyes, pushing back my shame. I had tried my best to save him, but my best hadn’t been good enough. The worst part was telling his family. Their cries of despair were something that still remained sharp in my memory, even now.

“I left the hospital after that,” I continued, ignoring the way Ino was looking at me. “I couldn’t go home, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I just started to run.” I scoffed inwardly at my stupidity. I had run as if making some distance between what had happened would make it better. Of course, it wouldn’t, but that hadn’t stopped me from trying.

“I was a few miles away from the village, near some cliffs hanging over the valley, before I finally stopped. I sat at the ledge and just stared into the distance.” I refrained from telling her how much I had cried there, or how, for a moment, I had considered what it would feel like to step over the ledge and just…fall. They were weak thoughts, a sickening product of my insecurities fuelled by the crushing weight of Hiro’s death. A death I had allowed. After all, what was the point of being a shinobi, of being a medic-nin, if I couldn’t even save the life of a child?

“Sakura, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine,” I reassured her with a small smile. “It happened a long time ago. As a medic-nin, sometimes we have to accept death so we can learn from our mistakes and never make them again.”

“Still,” Ino insisted, shaking her head, “that’s not something you should have gone through alone. You should have told me!”

“I wasn’t alone,” I told her. It took a moment, but soon her eyes cleared of confusion. Her lips formed into an “O” as understanding dawned on her.

“Shikamaru?”

“Shikamaru,” I agreed. “I have no idea how he found me, but he did.” One moment I was alone, buried within a tsunami of self-loathing, the next, he was there.

“He never said a word to me. Just sat down and waited.” Silent as grace, he watched as I cried myself dry and screamed myself hoarse, not once making a sound or coming any closer. He sat in patient silence as I unraveled in front of him, exposing my weakest side. It wasn’t until I was finished that he finally moved.

“Once I let everything out, he pulled me down and started to run his fingers through my hair. I was so shocked, I was going to protest, but then he started talking about Asuma and I just found myself listening.” He talked for a long time about what it was like to lose Asuma; of the memories he had of him before he died…all while tenderly stroking his fingers through my hair. His expression never changed from its stony demeanor, but I could hear the pain in his voice.

“He shared all of his memories with him, talked about Asuma’s daughter…” I hummed wistfully at the memory, recalling the last thing he said as the sun sank low over the horizon.

“ There will always be death,” he had told me. ‘As shinobi, we’re constantly surrounded by it. It’s our world…but where there is death, there is also life. While we can’t always save them all, that doesn’t mean we can’t make a difference with the ones we do help.’”

After that, we sat, watching the skyline fade to black. Once it became dark, Shikamaru had tugged me to my feet and took my hand in his, gently pulling me towards the village. He held my hand the entire way as we walked home together. It was then that I realized how much of a rock Shikamaru had become in my life. He became someone I could rely on, someone that would be there for me in ways no one else could. He became the person whose hand I never wanted to let go.

“He took me home and left me at my door,” I finished telling Ino. “After that, it was impossible to not recognize just how much he meant to me.” Ino stared at me in silence before looking away, as if absorbing my story.  

“I never knew,” she finally breathed. “So that was it, huh? That was when you fell in love with him?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I fell in love with him long before that. It just took my head a little longer to catch up.”

“You are pretty thick-headed,” she snickered jokingly, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere my story had created.

“Oh shut up,” I hissed back, just as playfully.

“You need to tell him this.”

“How?” I shot back. As if I could ever tell him something so embarrassing.

“You could always ask him out for a drink and get him wasted,” she offered casually before snorting in amusement, leaving behind the final weight of melancholy. “Although getting him drunk might be even harder than getting him into bed. I’ve never seen Shikamaru anything but a little tipsy.”

“Ino, be serious,” I scolded, secretly fighting off my own grin.

“Fine, then you get drunk! Actually, better yet, let’s both get drunk. This is the first night off you’ve had in forever and we are not wasting the entire night on this mushy bullshit! We’re going to go out and party!” Before I could protest, she shot up, running into my closet.

“What are you looking for?” I asked, apprehensively trailing behind her.

“That black dress I got you a while back. Where is it…? Ha, got it!” She triumphantly pulled out the lacy, skintight number from the hole I had tried to bury it in.

“I’m not wearing that,” I told her, stone-faced.

“Yes, you are.”

“You can’t make me.”

“Do you really want to go down that road with me?”

“You can’t keep threatening to use your mind transfer jutsu on me all the time,” I told her, not budging.

“That’s true, so how about you get in this dress or I’m walking over to Shikamaru’s and telling him everything you just told me?”

Well, fuck.

“I really hate you sometimes,” I told her, taking the scrap of fabric and eyeing it distastefully. And she wondered why I don’t like telling her my secrets…

“You only hate me because I’m right. Now hurry up and put it on. We can do hair and makeup at my place.”

 

 

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Two hours later, we were off to the club, my dress uncomfortable and my pink hair in proper curls. Ino, meanwhile, wore a deep purple gown that stuck to her like a second skin around the top, before flaring at her waist, cascading like water around her legs. The two slits ending more than halfway up her thigh revealed enough bare flesh that the length hardly mattered. She looked absolutely stunning, every male in the vicinity stopped for a double-take. I may not have looked as sexy as she did, but I had to admit that I cleaned up well. The dress gave me a shapely curve, my breasts at full attention and my legs long.

“Admit it,” Ino smirked. “You like it.”  

“I admit nothing,” I told her hotly, sticking my nose in the air.

“Well, well, look who it is,” Ino chucked, nodding at two figures in the distance. I looked where she was indicating and froze.

You have got to be kidding me.

“Shikamaru! Choji!” she called with a wave, directing their attention to us. “Over here!”

“What are you doing?” I hissed, watching in horror as they came closer.

“You were chatting with my mom downstairs for sooo long, so I rang them up and asked them to join us.”

“You did what?” I screeched. “Why?”

“This is for your own good,” she told me seriously. “One way or another, you are going to confess your feelings to him. He likes you, okay? I know he does. Just look at him! Look at the way he’s staring at you right now and tell me you don’t see what I do.”

I did as she asked, and felt my breath catch as his eyes burned, taking me in with a slow, lazy smile stretching across his face. He was gorgeous. Gone was his usual green vest; in its place was a navy blue button-up, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows. The first three buttons were undone, leaving a teasing glimpse of his chest for all to see.  

“Ino, I—”

“No more excuses. Pull yourself together!” Ino hissed at me before greeting Choji and Shikamaru directly. “Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Ready to go?”

“We were ready an hour ago,” Shikamaru yawned. “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry,” Ino drawled sarcastically. “Do you think perfection like this just magically happens? Stop your moaning, you should feel honored to have the opportunity to escort such beautiful women!”

Shikamaru just rolled his eyes at her before sneaking me a wink. I hid my smile behind my hand.

“Don’t mind him,” Choji stepped in, “he’s just grouchy ‘cause you took away his cloud-watching time.”

“Whatever, let’s just get going already,” Shikamaru said, turning away from us and walking towards the club. We quickly followed after him, Ino grumbling about his lack of manners.

“You look very nice tonight, Sakura,” Choji complimented shyly.

I turned to him with a sheepish nod. “Thanks, you as well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so dressed up.” Nowadays he usually wore his armor around the village, hardly ever walking around in street clothes, but tonight he was wearing a flattering auburn shirt with a collar, black dress pants, and shiny shoes. He looked very handsome.

“Thanks,” Choji laughed. “Ino insisted we both look presentable. After working with her for so long, I’ve found it’s easier to agree with her than it is to argue.”  

“Don’t I know it,” I snickered.

“How has your project been going?” he asked with a mischievous nudge. “I hardly ever see my best bud anymore.”

I laughed nervously. “Good, really good. We start our test runs with Kakashi on Monday.”

“That’s good to hear. Glad things are going well.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, can’t you go one night without talking about work?” Ino complained, butting in between us. “New rule: every time you talk about work tonight, you have to do a shot.”

“Is there anything about my life you don’t have to have control over?” I asked, annoyed.

“I wouldn’t have to if you knew how to have fun on your own!”

“I know how to have fun!”

“Than prove it,” she challenged. “No more shop talk, and no more serious topics for the rest of the night. Only fun is allowed!”

“Ino, just leave her alone, will you?” Shikamaru called, interrupting our little spat. “Anyway, we’re here already.”

“Woohoo! First rounds on Sakura!” Grabbing Choji’s arm, Ino dragged him ahead and into the club, leaving Shikamaru and me behind. I shook my head at her antics as I followed after her, lazy ninja in tow.

“You’re going to have to learn to say no to her eventually,” he snickered.

“Bite me, Nara.”

“Don’t tempt me, Haruno.”

I rolled my eyes, reaching to open the doors. I winced at the sudden bombardment of loud music pounding from the speakers, not quite used to the change in atmosphere. The Black Den was a club favored by shinobi, with its thrilling beats, electric lights, and cheap drinks. It was the optimal choice for a good night out. Ino loved it here. The only times I ever came around were when she dragged me along, much like tonight. Though I had to admit, we did always have a good time, so who was I to complain?

Shikamaru and I approached the bar where Ino and Choji had already claimed their seats, shots already ordered and ready.

“Bottoms up!” Ino cheered, handing them to us. “To alcohol!”

“To alcohol!” We repeated, clinking our glasses together before downing them in one gulp.

The beginning of the end.

 

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Six shots and five cocktails later, Ino was completely smashed, with Choji and I being on the latter end of tipsy. Only Shikamaru remained mostly sober, with just a faint flush against his cheeks. Abandoning the boys to their conversations, Ino and I had bolted to the dance floor were we currently resided, hands on each other’s hip’s, twisting and twirling to the pulsating beats of the music. If it hadn’t been for the trick Lady Tsunade had taught me, I knew my head would have been swimming right about now, as I had consumed almost as much as Ino had. Instead, I felt only fuzzy, with my spirits soaring above the clouds. Confidence swirled inside me to a degree I couldn’t even recognize as more than a few different men, both Shinobi and civilian alike, had tried to ask both Ino and me to dance. It was only after the fifth rejection I saw Ino give that the thought struck me.

“Is there a reason you keep turning down every guy that walks up?” I asked curiously, grabbing her hand as the latest man walked away.

“I’m here with you, not them.” She shrugged before tugging us back into a double spin.

“That has never stopped you before.”

“Am I boring you already, Sakura?” Ino snickered, fluttering her eyes at me as she threw her arms around my shoulder. “My heart, it shatters! How ever will I go on?”

“Get off of me.” I laughed back, trying to pry her arms from around me. I only managed to get even more tangled against her as she coiled her body around mine as tightly as a cobra winds around its prey.

“Ino! I can’t breathe.”

“Love me!”

“Ino.”

“LOVE ME OR DIE!”

“Get o-” with a high pitch yelp, we reeled backward as Ino threw more of her weight against mine, knocking me entirely off-balance. We landed on the ground with a heavy thud, causing more than a few heads to turn in our direction. I expected Ino to take that as her victory and get off, instead, she used our falling as her momentum to pin me to the ground before continuing her assault on my body. I shrieked from both embarrassment and laughter as I felt Ino’s fingers ghost across my sides, finding my weak spots in only a matter of seconds.

“No! Oh God – stop– Ino! HELP!” I laughed, desperately trying to slap her prying fingers away. “Shikamaru!”

To avoid our flailing, those on the dance floor parted to give our childish shenanigans room to play out. A few even started to cheer, chanting “catfight!” from the sidelines.

“Shikamaru can’t help you now, bitch!” Ino, with a gleeful menace, drawled, all while completely ignoring the crowd. “You’re mine.”

“People are staring!”

“Well, then we better give them a show.” And just like that, I found my hands pinned above my head as Ino went to straddle my waist. I narrowed my eyes. If that was how she wanted to play it, fine. Winding my legs around one another, I used my chakra to give me a quick boost of strength, ripping my hands from Ino’s grasp as I twisted my body into a tight roll, forcing Ino off. In a movement just as fast, I used the momentum of my role to corkscrew my body into an upwards position, my legs swirling from under me until I sat perched in a half-crouch, with my one leg stretched out to a fine point. All around us the lights continued to flash in various colors as the beat from the music pulsated from the ground and into my hands and feet. The crowd cheered, having already formed a well-spaced circle around us.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” The booming voice of the DJ caught everyone’s attention as heads swerved to look towards the stage. “It looks like we have ourselves the beginning of a DANCE BATTLE!”

A mixture of cheers and whoops sounded around us as I caught the mischievous glint in Ino’s eyes. I grinned back. It was so on.

“We all know the rules!” The DJ continued, “So give our two lovely ladies some space as we drop them our sickest beat!”

With an effortless dip, the music transformed from an electric, almost supernatural sounding tango into a deep and earthy spike of violins screaming war calls and drums crashing with blood lust. The tempo surged with explosive spikes, like the clashing of arms before abating into a held breath like essence, where the various instruments murmured in hushed taunts before once again rising to action. Keeping in tune with the tempo, Ino and I rose from our positions on the floor as we sauntered towards the other, our eyes locked together in a battle all their own.  

Dance Battles were the signature event at the Black Den. Performed mostly by shinobi, although not exclusively, they were skirmishes using various martial art techniques to out position your opponent, all through the medium of dance. While most were orchestrated in events, it was not uncommon for impromptu performances like ours to take place. The rules of the match were simple. The matches lasted the length of the song, or until one opponent was made immobile. No real force or chakra was permissible during the match. Injuring the opponent was instant grounds for being disqualified, permanently. It was a performance, after all.

With an unspoken agreement, Ino and I surged forward as the music flared once more. I took into account the restrictive nature of my attire. A dress such a mine was hardly ideal in a battle where fluid movement was a necessity. But, while Ino had the advantage of a longer, more fluid skirt, I had the advantage of foresight. As Ino raised her hands in the beginning motion of a summersault, mine dropped to the hem of my skirt, quickly tearing the fabric to make a slit that ended inches above my waist, the black booty shorts I had put on when Ino wasn’t looking the only thing keeping my modesty intact. Seeing the fine detailing’s of the lace being split like cheap linen, Ino faltered, her eye twitching either from shock or barely repressed rage, I didn’t know. I did not, however, waste my opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to all my readers and to all those kind enough to review! I love you all.
> 
> till next time. 
> 
> Cheers


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